Quirk Quotient

Old newspapers

2011-11-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

Old newspapers and magazines can make an interesting read. They are a public diary of what we as a society were thinking, looking forward to and hoping for. They are the anti-Twitter. One of my friends has made reading old newspapers and magazines a hobby. He has more than a room full of older publications collected through his worldwide travels. He carries a huge bag of them when he travels, which annoys his girlfriend to no end. A couple of years back the print edition of The Times of India had a section where they would publish excerpts from their edition exactly 100 years back. The section on Wikipedia called on this date in history is always interesting.

Newspapers and magazines are like an old photograph but with a large description as a caption. They are the anti-crystal ball, where you go into the past to see what you thought of the present. It is antithetical. It is like trying to eat a corner piece in a pizza (some people think they can find it) or trying to sit in a corner in a round room. When you meet people who have emigrated out of India a few years back, you get a snapshot of the language the way it was spoken in India when they left. You can go back and check if the predictions about stock prices, games, technology advancements, economic and political issues have come through. It can be a great learning and humbling experience to see what was supposed to be hot is not and vice versa.

When you meet friends from high school or college after a long time, you reminisce about old times. It is like reading an old newspaper - you are reliving your olden days along with your dreams, desires and aspirations from that point in time.

On a similar yet different note, men love to read today's news. When I was a kid (before the internet age), I was crazy about reading all the sections in the Times of India or The Telegraph or The Asian Age. I got a weird sense of achievement on reading the entire newspaper. (What a colossal waste of time!) Lot of men from that and previous generations, still love to read the paper newspaper. Is it possible that men think of a newspaper as a woman, but without many of the flaws? A newspaper can be fresh and ready to go any time of the day or night, can speak different languages, likes sports and movies, can be of different nationalities and one can treat it like it crap (fold all the pages, crumple them up or just sell the old ones for some cash) without any fear of retribution.

Knowing your customer (or stereotyping)

2011-11-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

When Igo to a restaurant, the waiters typically ask me, "Do you want water with (iceor) no-ice?". (It seems most Indians prefer water with no ice in it and infact there is an online magazine for desis called "Water, No Ice").As a desi (Indian) you can react to it in two different ways.

One -"Wow! This is awesome customer service. They understand who their customeris and what his/her preferences are."

Two -"Fricking idiots &*)#@(+ This is blatant stereotyping!"

Themain complaint about stereotyping is "You are not treating me as a uniqueindividual and bundling me within a group". Wikipedia says"Stereotypes are standardized and simplified conceptions of groups basedon some prior assumptions." It seems like there is a fine line betweenstereotyping and knowing your customer and acting on it. All the businesspeople say "Know your customers, so that you can offer products andservices they want/like". So can this incident be considered stereotypingor knowing your customer a little bit better? Would the reaction be differentif the waiter just plunked a glass of water in front of you with no ice in it(or with ice in it for that matter)? Do customers find it less offensive when the service they receive assumes no prior knowledge of their preferences compared to some prior conception, which may or may not be accurate?

In mymarketing class, we were discussing a case about projectors and one of the malestudents in class suggested (in jest or bad taste) that the company should comeout with pink projectors to appeal to women. One of the female students inclass got seriously offended by that suggestion. When I go to buy clothes formy 2 year old daughter, a large percentage of the clothes seem to be pink incolor. Are we stereotyping girls or do girls really like pink and all thesecompanies know their customers and are offering products which their customerslike?

Thishappened a few years back when we were living in Texas. Our lawn was due formowing and I was not finding time/feeling lazy to do it. One day we weredriving back home through our back alley and I saw a Hispanic looking man mowing andcutting grass. I stopped my car, pulled down my window and asked him how muchdid he charge for lawn mowing? It turned out he lived there and was notinterested in offering any lawn care services. I hid my face in shame and drove on.

Withthe mountain of data that marketers are generating now based on our online (andoffline) behavior, companies are/will be able to target products and servicesto us specifically as individuals. This will reduce the cries ofstereotyping significantly (but increase uproar over privacy issues), becausewe will be able to understand each individual uniquely.

Question:Was stereotyping as a concept discussed by common people in communist countrieswhich were based more on collectivist principles/ideas?

PS: Mr.KR O'Swami (Is he Indo-Irish?) in an appropriately labeled post (Relativity) talksabout how he gets pissed irrespective of whether market research dronesapproach him or not. This is also a case where one gets offended irrespectiveof the action (or inaction) of the other party.

Change we can believe in

2011-11-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

A very famous old Hindi song(and which is very relevant for today's economy as well) goes:

"Aamdani Atthanni Kharcha Rupaiyya

Natija Tthan Tthan Gopal"

(Income 50 cents, expenses a dollar

Results in a disaster)

I was having coffee with some folks at the office cafe. One ofthem suddenly said, "There is a coin in the fold of the chair besidesyou". I slid my hand in and out came a quarter dollar coin. The dude saidthat he has a special ability of finding coins. This is definitely super herostuff. This super hero's only special power will be to find coins. He (or she) will be called "Change-Man (Woman)". Hewill have a picture of a penny on his chest. His entry will be marked by thesound of coins falling down. His title song will be,

"Change-man hai haajir

Dega tujhe aur ek Atthanni

Aamdani Rupaiyya Kharcha Rupaiyya

Natija Jai Jai Gopal"

(Change-man is here

Will give you another 50 cents

Income a dollar, expenses a dollar

Spreads delight all around)

The distance between disaster and delight is only 50 cents (Italso explains the popularity of the rapper 50 cents). Change-man can be theanswer to a lot of problems. The amount of lost change in the world must be atleast a few billion dollars. All this free unclaimed money, can bringmeaningful change in the world at no extra cost. Change-man will be god forpeople who are looking for some change (both in terms of coins as well as atransformation). He will be the beacon of hope for beggars, microfinanceexperts, donation collectors and piggy-bank salespeople.

Change-man will be more popular than all the other super heroes. Akid cannot really be Spiderman or Superman. All a kid can do is to dress up ina very tight blue/red dress but will be in big trouble when nature calls. Kidscan try to be Change-man by hunting for change where ever and when ever they can.Children can actually feel what it would be like to be Change man, even if it is forthe briefest of moments. Spidey or Batman does not provide that opportunity.Change-man can have a viral effect and people will organize flash mob events tosearch for change. The slogan "Change we can believe in" willfinally have some real meaning.

Portrait vs. Landscape

2011-10-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

The wife, the daughter and I share an iPad. The wife prefers theportrait mode, whereas I prefer the landscape mode. Both of us cannot figureout why anyone would use a different mode than what we use. It is a clear giveaway about the last user based on the orientation lock.

Our preferred modes speak a little bit about our personalities. Sheis personable and forms a connection with people (portrait or close-up mode). Iobserve things from far and keep my distance (landscape mode). She is friendly,warm and social. I am aloof, introverted and distant. She is detail orientedand organized. I prefer process and planning.

Is the portrait mode called so because it is a natural orientationwhile doing a portrait? Is the portrait mode for animals like dogs, lions, catsand whales just the same as the portrait mode for humans? What about snakes?Giraffes?

Parking Algorithm

2011-10-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

When you park in an area with some available spots, it opens up a lot of interesting possibilities and interactions. When I am going through this process, my super-fast brain is cranking different scenario. It takes in new information and runs it against my complicated algorithm for choosing a parking spot. It is art and science combined into one elaborate process. There a many factors one has to consider as each new empty parking spot comes into view. Is the parking spot a single-ding or a double-ding? (Is your car is not protected from one or two sides?). Some of the best spots are no-ding spots. Is the spot close to the elevator? Is the parking spot next to a very expensive car? (If something goes wrong, you can always scream and moan, unless you have an expensive car). Does it provide an easy approach so that you can park with a flourish on your steering wheel in one sweeping action without doing an Austin Powers U-turn attempt? You have to be able to process all these criteria in a matter of milliseconds and then make quick decisions. It is a not so well known theory that race car drivers, great cricket batsmen and black cat commandos are also very good at finding great parking spots.

Passengers in your car will be more than eager to provide suggestions. They will scream, shout, cajole, push, prod and suggest with a passion, as if their very life depends on it. As a driver, you want to completely ignore all the commotion. You want to find the optimum spot which passes your rules. This non-attention to their pleas ratchets up the pressure even more for the passengers and it starts becoming personal pretty quickly.

"Are you a fricking idiot? You will make us walk all over the place"

"You just missed a spot on the left. I wouldn't give my car to you to park, if you were a valet parking guy. Moron!"

"Was that in your blind spot? Oh sorry, my bad, you cannot see!"

The key to confronting all these admonitions is to ignore them. You need to continue driving around with Zen-like patience till you find the most perfect spot possible. The longer it takes to find a spot, the antsier do your passengers get, thus adding to your satisfaction. If you can find a no ding-close to the elevator-easy access spot, with a Merc parked besides you, then it is just the icing on the cake.

Remnant Design

2011-10-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

I said a couple of days back

What is the best part about living in America? My answer was the ubiquitousness of public restrooms and never having to hold back.

I do have a complaint about the way boxes are designed. The walls of the cabin do not go down all the way to the floor. Similarly, the box is open from the top and the walls do not go all the way up to the ceiling. If you are a particularly tall person, your head will peep out like a periscope.

All the open space between the floor and the cabin walls and between the ceiling and cabin walls does not facilitate a good experience. You get to hear and potentially smell some pretty disgusting stuff. There are very few places with a proper box design with full sized walls and doors which makes it reasonably sound proof and private. Is it purely an attempt to save material costs or is it some grand scheme of public learning as to what can beans do to your digestive process?

Personally, I feel that it is a remnant design from the times when the door lock or dead bolt had not been invented. So the only way for someone to know if a person is in the box or not, was to check for visible cues from the bottom of the box. It would be a rude shock for a caveman to be doing his business when another cave man kicks in the door because he does not know that the facilities are in use.

Initially, it was a proper design, but as the door lock/dead bolt had not been invented, a large stone left outside the door acted as a signal. People started forgetting to either bring their stones or left them outside, leading to unfortunate accidents. Ultimately, someone must have tripped up on a stone and sued the authorities leading to the current bad design. Nobody has really bothered to update the design since then.

Punctuation and Passwords

2011-10-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last year Tyler Cowen asked through one of his blog entries.

If you could create a punctuation mark, what would its function be and what would it look like?

Readers had provided different theories, but I don't think any of them would cut it in my books. According to me, the leading candidate for a new punctuation mark is the smiley :) Everyone uses the :) as if it was the full stop (or period) to end any and every sentence. Here is a redacted version of an actual email conversation when the wife got an invite for dinner at her friend's place. The invite went out to about 12 people. (By the way, have you ever noticed that any desi dinner invitation has at least 11 people on it? Maybe, it is due to the collective craziness for cricket.)

Hostess: Tell *** that the time is for 6pm :)
Guest: We will b thr with the whole family :)

An email from the guest after the dinner party.

Guest: we all had a great time :)

The ":)" is the new kid on the punctuation block :) We can call it the "iStop" :)

I have a theory as to why people use character collections like "gr8", "b4" "2mrrw" in any kind of written communication :) Everyone has to maintain a number of different online accounts (gmail, Facebook, twitter, blogger, bank and what now) :) Every online account requires people to have "strong passwords" with requirements like "Your password must have at least one letter, one number etc :) Due to this lot of people think that even normal words have this requirement :) I believe that in the near future the English and Arithmetic class will not talk about 26 alphabets and 10 digits respectively, but will talk about 36 characters :)

Maybe just 31, if we drop the five vowels, but that seems a bit unlikely :)

Basins and Urinals

2011-10-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

I know someone who never pees in a public urinal because he thinks that germs can swim against the current and infect him. Crazy fellow!

Recently I have noticed that some restaurants have these strange wash basins. There will be a bunch of taps but the water from all the taps falls into the same basin. It is as if they ordered extra rose planters than needed and so decided to use them in their wash basins.

These wash basins give me the creeps. I am washing my hands after taking a leak and there is another chap washing his hands at the same time. The water from my tap goes and mixes with the water from his tap, before it goes down the drain. I feel that the water from his hands is actually coming into my hands through the wash basin. Don't get me wrong. I am not a cleanliness freak or a germaphobe. But this visual and the corresponding thought of water flowing in all kinds of directions makes me want to not wash my hands after answering nature's call. It becomes worse if I have just gone to the urinal and the other fellow comes out of the box.

The best strategy in such cases is to either wait for the other fellow to finish his ablution routine, if he gets their first or withdraw quickly from your cleaning activities, if the other fellow gets there after you and does not have any qualms of washing his hands at the same time.

The only place which is worse than these wash basins is in some fancy restaurants where they have a similar concept in the urinals. I won't bother you with the thought which goes through my mind. The only strategy in such cases is to to wait for the fellow to finish his business, as you cannot withdraw midstream if he starts before you are done.

The other day someone asked me. What is the best part about living in America? My answer was the ubiquitousness of public restrooms and never having to hold back. If these fancy-schmancy restaurants start building more of these really public wash basins and urinals, then America will lose its competitive edge fairly quickly.

Time Zones

2011-10-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

I hate timezones.

Let me be more specific. I hate different timezones in the same country. Ever since I have moved to the Pacific Northwest, I have started hating timezones.

I hate the eastern timezone the most. While your friends in New York or Boston are already headed out for a drink on a Friday evening, you are still looking at the right hand bottom of your screen cursing yourselves. Three more hours. How much more smug can a timezone get? I never realized that timezones had such attitudes, especially the eastern bastard.

The central time zone is not far behind. Chicagoans are debating about the right place to go for dinner, while you still have 120 long minutes to kill. There is nothing more frustrating when your buddy calls you at 3:00 PM Pacific and asks about your weekend plans. Well, if it is news to you, my weekend has not begun yet. And I will get back to you on Monday morning on my way to my morning jog while I stop for my morning decaf latte.

The mountain time zone is more bearable. But given the large swaths of nothingness there, there are not many people who live there anyway and so it does not bother me so much.

Which are the countries which have multiple time zones? USA, Canada, Brazil, Russia and Australia. Any others? I need to find some people in their western regions to see if they have similar feelings.

Check out the crazy dude Karl Pilkington. His wikipedia page is here.

Questions

2011-10-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

What's up with this craze where people take pictures by holding their cameras at a 45 degree angle? It is supposed to be the cool and hip thing nowadays. My iPad's accelerometers cannot handle it, it drives me nuts and I get a massive pain in the neck.

How do stupid viral campaigns on Facebook like, "I am 14 weeks and am craving ice-cream" increase breast cancer awareness? It just prompts a barrage of follow up comments from the person's supposedly shocked friends about a possible pregnancy, followed by "Oh, I am not preggers, but this is to increase breast cancer awareness" WTF. All it does is raises awareness among lesser mortals about how well informed your friends are. Maybe, men should try this experiment and see what happens. Ha ha ha ha!! Off to Facebook! Back in a minute.

Why do 4 out of 5 (not a scientific study) Indian women at the workplace give a limp and dead fish handshake? I asked the wife and she said that they don't know how to react or feel uncomfortable. I say that is not a good theory. Any working Indian women reading this stupid blog?

What's up with this new product called the "Liquid Water Enhancer", where you can add a few drops of this colored shit into water and it supposedly makes it better water? It is utter marketing genius and people are falling for it. The marketing dudes are going all high fives. "Bingo!!! Fricking morons! Ka-ching!" Only thing which can make water better is if you pour alcohol in it (but then it screws up the alcohol).

Here's Lewis Black ranting about Milk and Water.

Windy City Rainy City

2011-09-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

I have recently moved to the rainy city from the windy city. The family will move mid October and am currently living a bachelor life in a city which I have not taken a liking to. I definitely miss the family and the city that I have come to love even though it would freeze my ass in winter. I definitely miss the energy, the people and the beauty of the city.

As Kroswami said

Visiting a city as tourist and actually living in it are such completely different experiences. As a tourist, whenever you encounter the shiitier side of life, you calm down and tell yourself “Its okay, you gonna be home soon” which you can’t really afford to then if you live there.

Given that I have been here for four days only, I definitely don't feel a sense of belonging right now, but I do know that I am going to be here for some time. That can make you feel crappy. Everyone I have talked to say that the first 6 months here are the toughest and after that you will love the place. I hope all those bastards are not lying. They won't even burn in hell as it will keep on raining.

A font in need is a font indeed

2011-09-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

A lot of people like to make resolutions for the calendar new year. I personally like to make resolutions for the new year of my existence. Given that today is September 1, it is that time of the year.

A few weeks back I was writing a work email and the wife happened to peer over my shoulder.

"What font is that"

"Huh?"

"What font are you using?"

"Oh.. Trebuchet MS"

"Why?"

"Most people use Arial or some other crap. I wanted to use something different"

"Ha! So you decided to use a sissy font??"

"What do you mean by sissy font?"

"That looks like a sissy font. Are you a sissy?"

She felt that Trebuchet was a sissy looking font and it reflected on my character. But she is much smarter than I am and so my new year's resolution is to switch to Tahoma, which she feels is a more manly font.

It is a resolution that I can keep easily and feel manly about it as well. So here's to a manly new year of my life.

Cheers.

---

Seth Godin in a very timely fashion also commented on typography.

---

Some sample fonts below:

Tahoma - my new manly friend

Afont in need is a font indeed

Times New Roman - not sure what is new about this, but it seems narrow minded to me

A font in need is a font indeed

Trebuchet MS - my old sissy friend

A font in need is a font indeed

Arial - pedestrian and overused

A font in need is a font indeed

Calibri (Body) - What the hell is (Body)?

A font in need is a font indeed

Travel instructions

2011-07-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

On a recent flight through LHR, I noticed that flights and trains are listed differently in Europe and the US. In Europe, information is listed by time. If you are looking for your flight to Berlin or your train to Prague, you have to know the approximate time of your train/flight and then search for it. In the US, flights are listed in alphabetical order by destination. If you are flying to Chicago, all the Chicago flights (irrespective of the airline) are listed together.

The US method is much easier to look for your information. Most people (I hope) know where they are going and they just need to confirm the time and platform/gate number. People might not remember the exact time and so the search becomes that much more difficult. If you are looking for other options to get to your destination the US method makes it easier to look things up. A flight going to Rome listed at 10:05 AM followed by a flight going to Tokyo at 10:10 AM does not help you much.

My unscientific theory suggests that the US method is more consumer driven. In Europe, it is probably the traffic control guy who is dictating how the information should be displayed. Information displayed by time is clearly more beneficial to a traffic controller as compared to a passenger. The thought process seems to be consumer centric in the US vs. producer centric in Europe.

jerks & JANES

2010-10-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

apparently yesterday was caps lock day. it seems like some jackass had this brilliant idea and now people are calling it "happy caps lock day". there is nothing happy about typing with your caps lock on and the jerks who do that are jerks all year round, not just for a day. this gives a forum for all the jerks of the world to unite and put their behavior on display collectively. a better idea would be to lock them up for a day and then it will be a happy day for everyone else.

****

THIS HAPPENED A FEW YEARS BACK. I GOT AN EMAIL FROM A LADY AND THE ENTIRE EMAIL WAS IN CAPS. THE SIGNATURE SAID "I WRITE IN UPPERCASE DUE TO URGENCY, NOT RUDENESS." THE CAPS LOCK DAY IS A FANTASTIC IDEA AS FAR AS WEIRD IDEAS GO. WE SHOULD ALSO HAVE A NATIONAL FURNITURE DAY, NATIONAL PUNCTUATION DAY, NATIONAL SNEEZING DAY ETC. THE CAPS LOCK DAY SERVES AS A GOOD OUTLET FOR ALL THE SOCIAL OUTCASTS WHO REFUSE TO TURN OFF THEIR CAPS LOCKS. ON THIS DAY, THEY CAN MARCH WITH A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT, RESPECT, DIGNITY AND HONOR BY COMING OUT OF THEIR CUBICLES. I SHOULD WRITE BACK TO THE LADY SAYING THAT HER DREAM HAS COME TRUE.

****

Here's John McEnroe complaining to the chair umpire, "You CANNOT Be Serious".

Membranes

2010-10-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

We moved to a 41st floor apartment two months back. I thought that the only sounds I will hear when I open a window will be either an aircraft flying too low or a bird flying too high and gasping for breath. The reality turned out to be completely different. All I hear is the sound of the El train, the noise of the traffic below and the sounds of sirens of emergency vehicles.

The weather has been playing some games and fall seems more like summer right now. The building mandarins turn of the AC and start the heat as soon as fall officially rolls around. The real fall is not giving a hoot about what the babus think. It is still baking hot and in the absense of an AC or a fan, the only option left is to leave the windows open for a long time. This is bringing in little relief, as there is not much wind, but the noise inside is irritating.

I wish we could have windows with a membrane on it, which will allow the wind to come through but leave the noise outside. This membrane might be dangerous on the ground floor, because if someone farts outside your window and leaves, you might be left with a bad smell without much of auditory evidence. Maybe there should be a membrane which will let the air in but leave the smell and the noise out. I also want another membrane, where you can turn off sounds of selective people. I would use that when our nanny is with A and I don't want to listen to all the crap that the nanny talks about.

If we could have a material, which will keep out experiences that you don't want, it will be the most awesome invention of all times. You could walk into a kitchen and not have to smell onions. You could look out during winter and not see the brown color at all. If such a material is ever invented, one can visualize every one wearing globes on their head (just like space travelers) and be able to control what they experience in terms of seeing, smelling, hearing and tasting.

Parents will equip their new born children with these head domes right from birth and will be able to control their experiences to a large degree. When one of these boys grows up and tries to kiss a girl for the first time, it will be a horrible experience for both of them. They will experience smells, sounds and tastes which they wouldn't have all through their lives. This experience will drive them back inside their head domes, vowing to never kiss anyone again.

Don't like the "Like" and Like the "Dislike"

2010-10-14T11:52:00.003-07:00

Facebook has been a great invention to connect people. The problem with these social networking sites is that it has really lowered the threshold as to who can be your "friend" to the lowest levels possible. A chance meeting with a new person triggers an immediate Facebook "friend" request. Someone you knew during high school or college and it wouldn't have made any difference in your life whether you ever interacted with them or not, finds you on Facebook and sends you a friend request. Given the low threshold, ignoring a friend request is not even an option.

Another low threshold and non-committal feature of Facebook is the "Like" button. Expressing your opinion (or lack there off) in a one sided manner has never been so easy or non committal. Click-happy Facebook users go in and hit the like button on anything and everything they see - no questions asked.

Hitting the Like button is being as committal as when I wrote while doing a valuation for a company "I am not sure, but the buyer might have some inclination towards using an EBITDA multiple of 10x". Given the ass-sucking nature of Facebook, people feel compelled to use the "Like" button. It is the same reason that there is no "Dislike" button, as almost nobody will use it.

The low threshold can turn your inaction into a social liability as was highlighted during a South Park episode. If we just took the FB view of the world, it will seem like the world is a very happy place and that people get along with each other very well. Actually, if and when aliens come to attack and colonize the earth, we should create a FB login for them. They will feel that the earth is a wonderful place and everyone is happy and content. They will be extremely pissed off about their own miserable existence and all the issues they have to deal with. Space travel, space-lag, baggage restrictions, crappy yet expensive food on space flights, loo charges and what not. They will immediately leave and go back to whichever planet they would have come from, vowing to never visit another planet again.

There might be a market out there for an un-social network. FB's default privacy policies are that almost everyone can see almost everything. The default policy for the un-social network will be that no one can see any information about you, unless you decide to open up things. Also, the un-social network will make revealing information so damn difficult (you can only do it on a full moon night when the temperature outside is 66 F etc), that more and more not-so social users will be driven to it. This un-social network can be called "Veil Book" and yes, it will have the "Dislike" button.

The A-list

2010-10-05T22:01:00.002-07:00

Having a kid, brings up a whole set of challenges. Figuring out a name is just one of them. Over the last 2-3 years, a lot of our friends have had kids. Surprisingly, most of them have chosen names starting with an A for their children. Adit, Aditya, Aarav, Anushka, Anik, Aditi. We also went with a name beginning with an A. I am not sure about the underlying reasons. Is it that the parents want their kid to be called upon first for any activity in school? Or is this the time to shine for the first letter of the alphabet and the first vowel? Or could it be that these set of parents are looking up baby names online and by the time they are done with A, they are so tired and bored and frustrated that they don't bother to look beyond that? Or does A have some spiritual or astrological significance in these troubled times?

What do you think?

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On a somewhat related topic, there seems to be an increasing trend towards C-Sections. HT goes to Aquatic Vertebrate.

Bangles and Dessert

2010-10-05T09:59:00.002-07:00

A few months after A was born, both K and I felt that we needed to cut down on any profanities being used in the house. We didn't want A to start listening to curse words from a very early age. We decided to put in place a dis-incentive scheme in place. The scheme worked as follows. If either of us uses a bad word, then the other person has the right to slap the offender. Needless to say that right was duly exercised in each and every case. After a few weeks, we realized that the dis-incentive was not strong enough, but we didn't want to take it up one notch.

K in her own style (she is very good at making things sound not so bad, whereas I am on the other end) came up with harmless phrases which not only allow to vent through an expletive, but also are benign enough to be uttered in front of A. So if I wanted to blast some idiot, I can now say without fear of retribution "Chudiya Saala" and K can say without any reservations "Fudge You".

Wren and Martin in Nigeria

2010-09-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

There have been lot of stories about Nigerian scamsters, but I had not seen an attempt till this email landed in my account.

The grammar and composition in this email is really really bad. Instead of sending the scamsters $ 90, someone should send them a copy of Wren and Martin.

Buffets and Big Plates

2010-09-07T11:17:00.001-07:00

Over the long weekend, we went to "The Indian Garden" restaurant for a buffet lunch. One of my complaints at most Indian buffet places is that the plates are very small and one ends up making multiple trips to the counter. So at "The IG" (what the restaurant calls itself), I was pleasantly surprised to see large plates for the buffet. One trip to the buffet table was sufficient for me. This sparked a discussion about the optimal size of the plate at a buffet place and the parameters which affect the decision making process.

If the plate is too small, then the customer might be ashamed of making 4-5 trips to the counter. (I feel that the optimal number of trips without feeling bad is between 2 and 3)
Long lines at the counter or no lines at the counter will have some negative impact on customer perception about the restaurant.
A large plate reduces the amount of traffic at the counter. Also, smaller plates cause more trips in effect causing longer lines.
It is difficult to say whether more food is wasted when using larger plates vs. smaller plates, but I believe that less food will be wasted in larger plates.
Larger plates reduce the number of plates that the restaurant has to keep in inventory.

Are there other factors which need to be considered while deciding the size of the plate in a lunch buffet place? Does the type of cuisine play a role?

Personalize your resolutions

2010-09-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Almost all the people in the world make New Year's resolutions. A resolution is a very personal decision. But we choose to make resolutions in the most collective fashion possible. New Year's day is a single event on which a large section of the world's population seems to agree. There is a dichotomy that a personal decision is made along with the most number of people possible. A better solution is to make these resolutions on your birthday. It is more tightly tied to a personal attribute, rather than some common external milestone.

Pay as you speak

2010-08-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Facebook is trying to get a trademark for the word "face". They are also trying to sue a company called TeachBook for using the word "book". Other common words which companies should try to trademark are:

Google: Search, Anti-social
Apple: Cool, magical
Microsoft: Slow, evil (or maybe not)
Amazon: Market
BP: Disaster, screwed

This will ensure that every time you speak, there is a chance of you getting sued for your life's savings by one of these companies. At least Facebook is not called Assbook, otherwise people around me (for calling me an ass) and I (calling them an ass in retaliation) would be sued in perpetuity.

One useful monkey

2010-08-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

If you don't like what you see, you can close your eyes. If you don't want to taste something, you can close your mouth. If you don't like what you hear or smell, there is not much you can do. Hearing and smelling are different than seeing and tasting. Two out of the three monkeys are pointless. Close your eyes and an old fashioned STFU takes care of both these issues.

Wouldn't it be cool if we had tiny ear flaps to shut our ears? Sort of human Bose headsets. A nose filter which lets you breath but keeps out the bad smells would be nice as well. The history of the human civilization would have been different.

Right now a wife thinks that the husband is listening to all her crap, when in reality it has been tuned out. With the human Bose headset, the husband can just lower his flaps and let the wife know that he is not willing and cannot listen to all the drivel coming out of her mouth. It is clear and open communication. A lot of dictators would not have been able to brainwash their citizens easily, as it would be easy for people to shut out the propaganda.

You could be at peace in a crowd, but still get run over by a car, because you didn't hear it coming.

Kings, Fruits and Vegetables

2010-08-24T11:30:00.001-07:00

In certain parts of the world, mango is the undisputed king of fruits. In the fruit kingdom there only seems to be a king and rest of all the fruits are subjects. There are no queens, no court jesters, no ministers. Nothing. The king is all alone. What's the fun, if you are the king and have no one to have fun with? Cherries would make great queens for a fruity king. They come in bunches and so he could have multiple queens. They will also look great with a yellow king. Also, women like cherries and so the queens will be able to get along quite well. Maybe have jack fruit as the jester. How can someone with a name like it, not be funny?

Vegetables have an even bigger problem. There is no one vegetable which has been labelled as the king. Japanese eggplants will make great kings. They taste great, are tall, dark and look mysterious. They have personality and charisma. Carrots will make great queens as they are already red and blushed and have a great hairstyle as well. A pumpkin has to be the jester. A vegetable which can be carved into funny shapes and faces is perfect.

The troika of tomatoes, potatoes and onions is potentially sabotaging the whole thing. This group is so powerful, that at least one of them (if not more) is there in almost each and every entree. The beauty of the tomato, the pungency of the onion and the weight of the potato are a 1-2-3 punch which almost impossible to resist.

Name calling

2010-08-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

P.G. Wodehouse wrote in the preface for "Something Fresh, A Blandings Story" which he submitted to George Horace Lorimer, the world famous editor of the Saturday Evening Post:

A writer in America at that time who went about without three names was practically going around naked. Those were the days of Richard Harding Davis, of James Warner Bellah, of Margaret Culkin Banning, of Earl Derr Biggers, of Charles Francis Coe, Norman Reilly Raine, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Clarence Buddington Kelland, and Orison Swett - yes, really, I'm not kidding - Marden. Naturally a level-headed editor like Lorimer was not going to let a Pelham Greenville Wodehouse get away from him.

It seems non-writers and especially women non-writers seem to be taking up this advice. With Facebook, it is very easy to see how women are identifying themselves. Upwardly mobile married women seem to be following the format of first name followed by maiden name followed by husband's last name. These are the days of Mary Smith Johnson, Elizabeth Williams Jones, Katherine Brown Davis, Alka Sharma Oberoi, Aishwarya Rai Bacchhan etc.

There is another category of the married upwardly mobile woman who just goes by first name, maiden name and does not mention the married last name at all. There is definitely some amount of signaling going on in this. Is the signaling about the degree of career orientation? Or has this got to do more with maintaining an identity that was established before the person tied the knot? Do these women feel that they are more upwardly mobile than the three name women?

There are some women who are famous worldwide and just need a single name. Madonna, Cher and Rihanna (Chris Brown or not) can just go by a single name. Does this mean that the lesser number of names you need to identify yourself, the more famous and upwardly mobile you are?

If that is true, does it mean that if we don't have to use even a single name, that woman will be the next best thing to God? (for the atheist, it might be the best thing). The no-name calling does happen sometimes in small groups. You are talking with a bunch of people and a woman you know but don't like walks up. Suddenly eyebrows go up and everyone knows who is being talked about. No name required, but maybe just adjectives. The meddler, the pain-in-the-ass etc. But this is purely a local and undesirable phenomenon from the subject-of-the-conversation's viewpoint.

If Lord Voldemort, the one-who-must-not-be-named, had been a woman, would she have been the role model of all feminists? Will feminists in the future (after JKR is long gone), try to label you-know-who as a woman?

Image courtesy of Flickr user krisandapril

Benjamin Button?

2010-08-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

K and I seem to be living our life in reverse. We moved to the heart of the Windy City downtown with a rented apartment on the 41st floor with fantastic views of this great city. We are right in the middle of hundreds of restaurants and bars. We have done it after A was born and is almost 8 months now old. We moved to the city about 2 years back when we were ready to have a kid. Before that we stayed in our own big house in the suburbs of Big D for 3 years, when we didn't have many commitments.

Most people here follow a different path. They live in the city when they are younger. They move to the suburbs with a house with a white fence when they get older and have kids.

What's next? Listening to late night crazy ass punk rock and incessant drinking followed by moving in with our parents?

The 8th Wonder

2010-08-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

The 11th of August marked the end of 8 years of our official partnership (K and I) and 10 years of our partnership. There have been ups and there have been downs, but looking back, it has been the best decade of my life so far.

Here's to many more decades to come.

Five, Six and Seven are here.

Image from WikiWallPapers

Paper in plastic

2010-08-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

We Indians love plastic bags.

Not the kind of plastic bags you get when you shop at your local grocery store. Not the garbage bag type of plastic bags. Not the ones which just say a generic "Thank You" on them.

We like the nice ones from Macy's or Neiman Marcus. We like the ones which are colorful, with a good quality thicker plastic and a convenient handle.

We use these bags in so many different ways. If you scan all the people waiting for the Chicago Indian consulate to open, almost 80% of them will have a plastic bag with documents inside them.

As a high school student, when I went to school, I carried my books and notebooks in a plastic bag. The bag was attached to the small carrier on the back of the bicycle.

At our house, we used to pick out the nice looking good quality plastic bags and keep them under the mattress. This protected the bag and kept them nice and straight. It seemed like a better idea than stuffing cash under the mattress.

So next time some one asks you "paper or plastic" and you happen to be from India, just say "Paper in Plastic".

Image Courtesy Flickr user Glass and Mirror

A humbling experience

2010-07-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

I just realized something today. All of 7 months old, A smiled and smiled at her nanny. This is a nanny I don't like because she is not careful with her. And A was smiling at her. I realized that this is a beginning of a whole lot of things where she is going to like things, people, activities which I might not like and there is nothing that I can do about it. A humbling experience to say the least.

The Clucking Beak

2010-07-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

On my recent trip back to the Big D, the team went to have lunch at the Whole Foods market. The high end grocery store also has a large deli and other sections for lunch. One of the signature sandwiches on the menu was called the "The Clucking Beak". The name of the sandwich was too good to pass up on.

By the way, a turkey does not cluck but gobbles. But there was no point in holding that against Whole Foods, even though there was a turkey option on the sandwich.

The -itch factor

2010-07-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

"Raging Bitch" beer at our local liquor store

The trip was going without a hitch
On the second day there was a glitch
She had a very hard to reach itch
She drove the car in a ditch

She got a really big fat stitch
It made her look like a witch
The pain was really hard to switch
Only remedy was to drink some "Raging Bitch"

Bronze

2010-07-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

Germany and Uruguay will play each other for the third place tomorrow. Both teams must be feeling miserable right now, given that they could not reach the finals. In spite of this, they will be forced to play one another in a useless and unnecessary game. Accordingly to Wikipedia,

The silver medalists were more frustrated because they had missed the gold medal, while the bronze medalists were simply happy to have received any honors at all (instead of no medal for fourth place).

I don't buy this argument. It might make very limited sense at the Olympics because bronze medals also show up on the medals tally. In fact, a better solution is what is practiced by boxing - awarding two bronze medals.

What is the point in getting two unhappy teams to play each other? The argument above does not hold, because the silver medal winner is unhappy after the game, whereas the third place playoff teams are unhappy before the game. The teams do not want to play and the fans are not interested in this game. FIFA might as well get a whistle happy drill sergeant to referee the game to make it more interesting. Or maybe a referee with a vuvuzela. At least the vuvuzelas will be put to some use.

Grumpiness Frontier

2010-07-09T08:10:00.001-07:00

I made some cold coffee along with brunch the other day.

K took a sip and said "This coffee is like you".
"What do you mean".
She said "It is cold and bitter!".

****
There are certain professions which might naturally lead to grumpiness. Doormen and security guards, bus conductors in India, lingerie salesmen, clerks in government offices, tele-marketers etc. A lot of these roles have been traditionally filled by men or in lot of cases grumpy old men (GOM). When someone is hired for these roles, do they look for grumpy people or does the job make them grumpy?

Just like smokers have a natural bonding, do grumpy people like to hang out together or are they too grumpy for that? Are there Meet Up groups for security guards or lingerie salesmen?

Some people get grumpy due to the weather. During the cold long grey winters here, the mood can get grumpy. The absence of leaves on trees, the brown snow every where, the short days cause people to complain. Is there any study which suggests that people in living in very cold conditions are grumpier than their tropical or equatorial friends?

A small amount of grumpiness can be good for you. It makes your more analytical and one evaluates things in an objective and critical manner. It is like throwing cold water in your face when you are feeling sleepy. It wakes you up and makes you alert. As is the case with most things, there is a fine line. Too much grumpiness is like throwing a bucket of ice water on your head, getting a cold and a head ache while totally derailing your though process. Crossing the grumpiness frontier can make you bigoted, judgmental and myopic. You are far better served in staying some distance away from it.

****
The Indian government sometimes appoints GOM (Group of Ministers) to look at issues which are considered fairly important. Most of the ministers are old, but I don't think they are grumpy. They are just a bunch of Greedy Old Men (GOM)

Lines and Punches

2010-07-06T11:00:00.001-07:00

Normal lines hate punch lines. The normal lines build up all the background, but the punch line gets all the applause.

The line from a one-liner has no respect for the punch line. The one-liner line feels that the punch line cannot pull things off on its own.

The punch line responds by saying that they are playing a different game. The punch line is a star player in a team sport, where as the one-liner is some boring individual sport.

Tardus all the way

2010-07-05T20:49:00.001-07:00

Citius, Altius, Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger) says the Olympics motto.

As a kid in India, there was one competition the likes of which I have never seen anywhere. It was called the slow cycling competition. The rules of the game were simple. There was a certain amount of distance that you had go on a bicycle, but the winner would be the LAST person across the line. Once you started, you could not touch your feet to the ground. Most people thought that they had a shot at winning this. I mean, if you couldn't be the fastest runner/cyclist you at least had a shot at coming last. Coming last sounds much easier than coming first.

I never had any such luck. There was always some fricking idiot, who would keep the front wheel perpendicular to the back wheel and then adjust the body weight so that he/she could stand still. There was no way you could go slower than someone who was standstill.

Now looking back, this whole thing taught me two important lessons. First, coming last is almost as difficult as coming first. Second, guys who win slow cycling competitions have a better chance of a career in a circus than the rest of us.

Modernize the game

2010-06-28T16:00:00.005-07:00

Update (7/29/2010 10:00 PM): FIFA president Blatter has said that they will "consider changes."

Blatter said Tuesday that FIFA deplores "when you see the evidence of refereeing mistakes.'' It would be "a nonsense'' not to consider changes, he said.

****
Two bad decisions in a single day. A disallowed goal for England and an allowed goal for Argentina. What does FIFA say about it?

FIFA spokesman Nicolas Maingot said Monday that replaying the incident was "a clear mistake."

Nice going, FIFA! It was a mistake to show the refs mistake, but it will be a mistake to try to incorporate some new technology in the process!! Given that most football scores are in single digits, a ref's mistake can really change the course of the game. Refs are human and can make mistakes, but FIFA's insistence on not using technology is absurd.

The structure of the rules committee for football is actually even more antiquated and crappy than the United Nations Security Council. You can read my views about the UNSC here. The rules of the game are set by International Football Association Board. Their structure is horrible at best.

IFAB is made up of representatives from each of the United Kingdom's pioneering football associations — England's Football Association (The FA), the Scottish Football Association (SFA), the Football Association of Wales (FAW) and Northern Ireland's Irish Football Association (IFA) — and Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA), the international governing body for football. Each UK association has one vote and FIFA has four. IFAB deliberations must be approved by at least six votes. Thus, FIFA's approval is necessary for any IFAB decision, but FIFA alone cannot change the Laws of the Game; they need to be agreed by at least two of the UK members.

Football is a different game than other sports. It is about flow and continuous action and so at some level the resistance by FIFA to introduce instant replay is understandable. What is required is some middle ground, which will not go against the flow of the game, while still taking advantage about new technology which will assist the refs in making better decisions.

Electronic monitoring of the ball to determine if it has crossed the goal line. The technology from Hawk Eye and other providers is already there. There are other sports (e.g. Ice Hockey) who have adopted this
Allow teams to challenge refs' calls which can then be reviewed via instant replay. The rules can limit the number of challenges made by a team - one challenge per half and then one challenge in extra time. This will not disrupt the game too much while allowing the use of technology to assist the refs. (Wimbledon and NFL, both use this scheme)
The yellow and red card scheme is very ad-hoc. There are some excellent suggestions made by Richard Epstein on this and other topics to make changes to the game.

Now that the English team has been at the wrong end of the refs decision, they will pressure the IFAB to modernize the game. Hopefully.

Also, FIFA should stop spending so much time on the "Jab-u-lani", but put their "Jobs-on-the-line" and get this thing fixed.
****
When as a teenager, I watched the 1990 World Cup and Argentina advanced to the final on the strength of penalty shoot out wins, I was very pissed. I had hand written a letter to FIFA in 1990 and sent it to the Italian embassy (because the World Cup was being held there), detailing out my thoughts around changing the rules of the game. I don't remember much of what I had written, but I think most of it was not reasonable.

Watch what you say

2010-06-25T16:30:00.005-07:00

"Bird don't have ears."

"Yes they do."

"I don't remember seeing a crow or a sparrow with any ears."

This was topic of discussion between K and I, with me contending that birds lack the auditory organ. In olden times, arguments led to fights, now a days they lead to Google searches. It is a fairer and flatter playing field now. As usual, it turned out I was wrong.

Birds do have ears but it is just that in most birds they are not very visible. K felt that the absence of external ears for birds made them more aerodynamic. Some birds like owls have asymmetrical ear openings, which allows them to pin point the location of a target based on the perceived time difference in sound arrival between their left and right ears!

So next time you are in a bar and are making fun of someone with strange looking ears, please be warned that they know exactly who is making fun of them.
****
It is my contention that Dasharatha of Ramayan fame had asymmetrical ears as he was famous for his ability to hunt blind, by sound alone.

What are you UPTO?

2010-06-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

The corporate world is sprinkled with abbreviations. People use PTO for Paid Time Off, when they are on vacation. Why would anyone care, whether you are getting paid or not during your time off? Too much information. What happens when you take time off and don't get paid for it? Do you call it UPTO? Does it mean you are "up to" no good?

Awkwardness for 400, please

2010-06-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

"When a family of three with a little baby were going down the elevator, a fourth person said this to the baby"

"What is "How old are you"?"

This could have been a section from Jeopardy but it happened in our building's elevator. K, A and I were going out. A man got into the elevator. He was looking at A and then suddenly asked "How old are you?"

A being all of 5 and half months old, obviously didn't care about the question. The question had been asked by the man while looking at A, who was just happy giving a toothless smile. The question could not have been directed at K, as it would have been very rude to ask a woman what her age is. The question could not have been directed at me, as it is very very strange to ask any adult their age the first time you see them.

Maybe, the question was directed at us (the parents) but the person screwed up his pronouns and verbs? This is another dilemma that parents face. What should one do, when a question is asked to your kid, but your kid is either not able to answer the question or is shy about answering? Last month when we had friends over, a similar situation had happened and the general consensus was that parents shouldn't answer for their kids.

So we didn't say anything and rode the elevator down in silence. The fourth person might have been thinking that these people (if the question was directed at us) are rude and don't even answer a simple question. We were thinking that this person is a weirdo or his grammar is screwed up. In either case, the air was thick with awkwardness all around.

If our building elevator had been slower or if we had been living on a higher floor, then it would have been an obvious daily double.

Odds and Ends

2010-06-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

Football fans world wide are rooting for an epic final between Brazil and Spain or a pairing which will promise a thrilling game of football for the 2010 World Cup final. Joga Bonito or not, a pairing which will be the most interesting will be USA vs. N. Korea in the finals. Team USA vs. Cholima. The superpower vs. the outcast. Obama vs. Kim Jong. Open society vs. Exclusive. Another interesting pairing will be S. Korea vs. N. Korea. The separated nations. Democracy vs. Totalitarian regime. What are the odds of that happening? Almost zero.

What other pairings are possible which will have an interesting non-football story line?

"Oil's well" that ends well

2010-06-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

In spite of using a name like "Top Hat" for capping the Deep Horizon oil mess, BP has had some degree of success in the operation. The environmental impact of the spill will be felt for years to come. Meanwhile, there are/will be some unintended consequences in the near future:

Water is now thicker than blood.
New tourism opportunities will include helicopter rides like "Chills, Thrills and Spills".
Old birds with creaky wings and bones will get natural lubrication.
God men claiming to be able to walk on water might just do it.
People living on the Gulf Coast will get free gas. They will also get free tar for roads.

New You-Know-Whos

2010-06-02T22:05:00.015-07:00

Microsoft was the evil empire. The You-Know-Who of the technology industry. Apple has recently surpassed Microsoft.

The financial meltdown brought about new you-know-who's. Goldman Sachs. Freddie/Fanny. Irresponsible borrowers. They cast hexes (supposedly) over people's life savings and investments.

With the Deep Horizon Oil Spill, a new you-know-who has emerged - BP. Popular opinion is very clear on this. BP is shoving dirt into fishermen's pockets. BP is making fish fry in the warm Gulf waters. BP is turning sea water into lubricant.

Microsoft only made a dent in your pockets. The financial meltdown caused people to lose their retirement savings and jobs. The oil spill is destroying part of the planet.

Who will be the next You-Know-Whos? Are we at a point in the March of the Vowels, where we move onto the "O"s?

BAD DREAMS-ZA?

2010-06-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

K found an elderly lady online to work as a nanny for A. She is from Tamil Nadu. We engage in very limited small talk. Our language of communication is English as I don't understand a word of Tamil and she does not understand a word of Hindi, Gujarati or Marathi.

I was working in the study and A had been sleeping. A started crying suddenly. When I went out, the nanny was holding A in her arms and comforting her. This is how it sounded to me. "Endu pundu, endu pundu, ennama endu pundu endu pundu ennama, endu pundu BAD DREAMS-ZA??" I figured she was asking A if she had a bad dream! This is what happens when you don't know a single word of a language. I have seen our nanny do the "BAD DREAMS-ZA?" speech multiple times now, but it never fails to crack me up.

A was having some hiccups. The nanny asked me to hand her a paper napkin. She tore out a small piece from it, made a thin long roll out of it and dropped it in A's hair. "This will stop her hiccups." I suppressed a chuckle as A hiccuped again right after that. I went back to my study to attend to a phone call. When I came back in a few minutes, A's head was looking as if it had been covered by a disintegrated swimming cap. The nanny was almost in a double betting mode throwing pieces of paper furiously, while A continued to hiccup and smile in between. At that rate, Amazon forests would be gone in no time. I picked up A, put her on my shoulder and for some strange reason she stopped hiccuping. The nanny gave me a satisfied yet stern look which said, "See? I told you so, it will stop the hiccups".

I should have told her at this point, "Endu pundu, endu pundu, ennama endu pundu endu pundu ennama, ennu pundu HICCUPS-ZA??"

Bond and BP

2010-06-01T16:10:00.001-07:00

It is quite obvious that the bosses at BP are fans of the James Bond franchise. Two of their solutions have had outrageous and pretentious names like Top Hat and Top Kill. There was no way something named similar to henchmen of 007's nemesis was going to succeed.

Oddjob - Goldfinger's henchman with the lethal bowler hat. Bond electrocutes him.
Tee Hee - Live and Let Die, dude with a metal arm, killed by Bond.
Nick Nack - The Man with the Golden Gun, arrested by Bond.
Tree Sniper - Moonraker, shot by Bond.
Tall Man - Gettler's henchman, crushed by an elevator in "Casino Royale

Photo Courtesy of Flickr user prayitno

Keep it in the holster

2010-05-31T00:51:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, I got a voice mail from one of my acquaintances from about a decade back. There was hardly any contact with this person over this decade and this dude was never a friend. The voice mail said, "Hey man, long time no hear. Was flying through your city's airport and had a 3 hour layover and so thought to give you a call. Alright talk to you later".

This is such a crazy reason to call somebody. The telephone was invented in the 1800s and cell phones have been around for some time now. If you want to talk to someone you can call them from anywhere (assuming the costs are the same). You don't have to be physically in their city to initiate a conversation. If we were still having conversations by smoke signals, then proximity might be of some value. If the primary means of long distance communication was shouting at the top of your voice, then it made sense that when you came up to the hill near my house, you went "Ula la la la la la".

So next time you are flying through one of the city's airports, buy some coffee mugs, chew some gum or stare at the sea of humanity in your spare time, instead of whipping out your cell phone.

Photo courtesy by Flickr User Mykl Roventine

Assbook

2010-05-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

"Looking gorgeous"

"Wow! what place is it? So pretty and you two together look so cute"

"Nice pic looking gr8"

"Very pretty"

"You look beautiful"

Not a day or an hour goes by on facebook, when someone posts their own picture (or of their kids) and the entire facebook universe starts commenting on it. Invariably ALL the comments profusely state their admiration for the person/babies involved. Not a single comment has even a hint of negativity, criticism or sarcasm to it.

Facebook has become a huge ass-sucking venture and it can piss you off sometimes. You clearly see that the picture looks like the "Before" image of some skin care lotion advertisement. But, you cannot say a word as 15 people before you have ass-sucked their way to glory.

In a way, facebook is different. On a blog or a news item, anyone (in most cases) can come in and post their honest (or dishonest) opinion. This might create a more honest (but lot of times nasty) conversation rather than facebook.

With lax privacy on FB, one would see a lot more of the AssBook behavior. Hopefully, with the new privacy settings rolled out by FB, people will be able do AssBook behavior in the privacy of their friends and not "Friends of friends" or "Everyone".

Divine Intervention

2010-05-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was looking forward to a relaxed weekend and was headed to the pool for a refreshing swim. I was a in a very good mood, almost like Bertie Wooster at the beginning of his adventures. As I was getting out of the elevator, a young lady walked in. As is the norm, she asked me, "How are you doing?" "Very good" came the cheery response. Doing the civil thing, I asked her, "How are you doing" and pat came the reply, "I am blessed". This almost stopped me in my tracks. I was quite happy at the moment, but she had topped everything I could hope to do by getting the Almighty to intervene directly.

Lot of people invoke religious themes when talking about their day or moods. It is often common in India to greet each other with a "Jai Ram Ji Ki" (Hail to Lord Ram). Lot of Krishna devotees also don't say good bye, but just say, "Jai Shree Krishna". When asked how someone is doing, a common response is "Sab upar waale ki kripa hai" (Everything, good or bad, is due to wishes/mercy of the Almighty).

All the above approaches are more passive and humble. "I am blessed" seemed more like "I don't know about you, but I AM BLESSED". I decided to pay more attention to how the words are uttered to get the true sense of the expression. I was pleasantly surprised to realize that my initial reaction was utterly wrong. The expression was used more as an expression of joy and with the intention of spreading that joy to others.

Even though I find the expression strange, it is quite common place. I have also tried to imply a direct connection since then, but have always found it awkward to use the phrase. Meanwhile, I will stick to the more manageable "Good".

Photo Courtesy: Cornell University Library

Babybook

2010-05-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

A baby is born and the parents promptly (Within hours!) open up a facebook account for the baby and sign up the baby on Twitter. The number of facebook "friends" is announced with great fanfare and the baby's Tweets (even though the baby only Pees and Poos at this point in time) are proudly displayed and talked about. It is just not cool.

What is the logic behind this? Do the parents want to provide updates to their friends and family about the baby's progress? Well, that sounds reasonable. But does it? Why not just provide updates through your own account? Why go about in this circuitous make believe way? It is just not cool.

With a lot of the parents doing this, a lot of babies will "become friends" with other babies. They will not have a social network of their choice but of their parents choice. The only way you can beat this if parents start signing up their kids in the womb. If 10-15 years from now FB becomes the uncool social network all these children will be labeled uncool and will be outcast by the non-FB children. Haven't we seen this happen even today, where people are ashamed to admit that they have a Hotmail email account, lest they be labeled as internet dinosaurs? Why play with your kids future so early on? You will have many chances in the future. It is just not cool.

People are complaining about privacy on FB all the time, but at the same time everyone is rushing to upload every excruciating minutiae of their everyday life. What kind of notions about privacy will these FB children have? Will they have no qualms in uploading gory and dark secrets about their lives online? Will they think twice before posting those crazy videos? How can they? Their parents had already posted pictures of them drooling and when they pooped and what color was it. It would be pretty difficult to go past the dial in this case. It is just not cool.

Actually, whatever I have ranted about so far is just that. It really does not bother me. What REALLY bothers me is that kids have more friends on FB in the first three days of their lives, than I have been able to sign up in spite of my more than three decades. Now that is just not cool!!

Looky looky but don't touch the cookie

2010-04-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

On our recent trip to the sub-continent with A she was very much sought after by all her grand parents, aunts, uncles, nephews and others. Everybody wanted to play and talk with a 3-4 month old baby and it was great fun for everyone including A.

Perfect strangers would come up and touch her cheeks or hair. We had no clue about their hygiene level. I don't understand why they have to touch an infant when they could very well admire her from a distance. I never experience this type of behavior here. Maybe as responsible parents, we should have stopped these people from doing it, but in lot of cases it was sudden and without any warning.

PS: This is post # 2C

Photo Courtesy of Flickr User freakapotimus

Open Letter to Mr. Gerard Arpey, CEO American Airlines

2010-04-29T16:58:00.002-07:00

Mr. Gerard Arpey
Chairman, President and CEO
AMR Corporation and American Airlines

Mr. Arpey,

I am writing this letter to let you know about a recent bad experience I had during my travel from India to the US using American Airlines. My itinerary included a Mumbai-New Delhi (BOM-DEL flight AA 7893) with your code share partner Jet Airways and then AA flight 293 from New Delhi (DEL) to Chicago O'Hare (ORD). The tickets had been purchased online from American Airlines (www.aa.com) My wife and I were traveling with our 4 month old daughter. When we checked in at Mumbai airport, Jet Airways could not see the infant reservation for my daughter. I was forced to buy an infant ticket again from Mumbai to New Delhi. We wanted bulkhead seats with a request for a bassinet for our daughter but Jet Airways was not able to look into American Airlines seat map to help us.

When we landed at Delhi we were told that we had to identify our baggage coming from Mumbai (it was checked-in through to Chicago) and then only will it be loaded onto the Chicago flight. Even though we had reached Delhi almost 2 and half hours before our Chicago flight, we never got to see the baggage. We were not given any reasonafble updates on the status of our baggage. No visible attempt was made on locating the baggage other than blaming Jet Airways. When we requested a bulk head seat with a bassinet for our daughter we were clearly told that it was not available. In fact the AA check in counter agent scolded us for not coming early to the airport as it was a first come first serve policy. We had tried to get those seats about 6 hours before the New Delhi - Chicago flight in Mumbai but we were not able to get them changed. The basic principle of a first come first serve policy is that every body wanting that service should get an equal opportunity to come first. The situation clearly did not allow that. All of this information was given to us in a very rude and unprofessional manner unbecoming American Airlines. We were finally told that the luggage will be brought to the side of the aircraft for identification. When we went to the jet bridge, the luggage was still not there.

I proceeded to list my complaints to one of the American Airline employees who was in charge of the boarding process. When I told him that we would have to travel with our 4 month old daughter in our lap for 15 hours, he smirked and laughed. I asked him if he found the situation that we were in as funny and he very rudely said, "Yes, it is funny". I told him that I wanted to get his name so that I could file a complaint against his insensitive and rude behavior. In a very brazen and unapologetic fashion he gave me his name and then proceeded to tell the employee checking everyone's bags for additional security on the jet bridge to give our bags a thorough look. He was the rudest and the meanest employee (of any company, any country) that I have ever seen.

Finally, it was time to board the aircraft and our luggage was still not there. Finally, an AA employee came running down the bridge and told us that all bags had been loaded. It obviously turned out to be a lie, because our baggage never made it to Chicago. We were forced to spend extra time at the O'Hare airport after a 15 hour flight to report it. We finally got our baggage on Wednesday afternoon, more than 48 hours after our original flight had landed. The whole experience brings up the following problems:

1. Your code share partners do not have visibility into AA reservations for code share flights.
2. Your code share partners are not allowed to make seat assignments on AA flights, which adds problems to customers needing services which are decided on a first come first serve basis.
3. Your staff at the New Delhi airport is rude, insensitive and even resorts to lying to their customers.

This is what I expect American Airlines to do:

1. Tighter systems and process integration between American Airlines and its partners.
2. Assure its customers that action will be taken against employees exhibiting such rude and insensitive behavior.
3. Ensure that a training program is put in place, which stresses importance of respecting customers, providing customer service and ability to deal with diversity amongst its customers.
4. Reimburse me with the amount I had to pay for the infant ticket from Mumbai to Delhi.
5. Reimburse me for the supplies that I had to buy in Chicago as my baggage did not get to Chicago along with me.

I have been a loyal American Airlines customer since November 2000 and have accumulated almost 836,000 miles. Almost all these miles are travel miles (not come through credit cards etc). I expected better treatment for a loyal Advantage member. Actually, to think about it, the service I was expecting is just basic decent service that any customer, irrespective of his loyalty to American Airlines can expect. American Airlines failed miserably in discharging its basis duty of treating its customers with respect, courtesy and honesty.

As the CEO of the company, I hope that you will take the necessary steps to address these systemic and behavioral issues and help improve services for your valuable customers.

A disgruntled traveler
****
Similar letters will be sent by snail mail with details about my boarding passes, copies of receipts, itineraries, names of AA employees etc. will be sent to AA customer service and also to the Department of Transportation's Aviation Consumer Protection Division.

Ab Dilli Manzoor Nahin

2010-04-29T00:50:00.002-07:00

On our recent nightmarish trip back from the subcontinent, we had to connect through Delhi airport. I have heard lot of people complain about the rude behavior of people in Delhi. (Obviously this is a sweeping generalization and does not mean that EVERY person in Delhi is rude and bad mannered). Starting from the Jet Airways employees at the baggage claim for our BOM-DEL flight, the American Airlines check-in counter staff, other staff milling around the check-in counter, immigration employees at the immigration counter and airline employees at the jet bridge, bad behavior was the norm rather than the exception. Given the general rudeness and "I-don't-give-a-crap-about-you" attitude of these folks in Delhi, I have vowed to try my best to never to use the Delhi airport and try to stay away from the capital as much as possible. Instead of Ab Dilli Dur Nahin it is a case of "Ab Dilli Manzoor Nahin" for me.

I compare that with the Jet Airways staff at the Mumbai airport, which was extremely helpful, patient and polite. So there is no leg for the argument that Delhi is always on the move and that is why the people there are rude.
****
There was a report in Midday by AFP about "Rude" Delhi being taught manners ahead of the Commonwealth Games. Also, based on my personal experience I am not buying this photo essay by Mayank Austen Soofi.

Hanging Crows

2010-04-28T21:01:00.001-07:00

We were having breakfast at our hotel in Goa. There were a bunch of crows which were making a huge ruckus on one of the nearby trees. K got really upset about it and said in a fit of frustration that all these crows should be hanged. I told her that it is not possible. The whole principle of hanging is based on gravity. When support is removed, gravity kicks in and the weight of the person tightens the noose and kills the person. This is not possible for a crow as it will just fly and no pressure will be felt on the neck. If the crow has no place to sit after flying around, it might die due to exhaustion. If the crow does not get anything to eat, it might die of starvation. This would make it very difficult to hang crows.

Sent from my....

2010-04-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Traditionally men brag about their "devices". Recently women also have started doing the same.
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The signature on a recent email said, "Sent from my iPad". The device manufacturers have found this as a great way to market their products at no cost. It seemingly acts as a status symbol for people using these devices, even though everyone and their brother now has a Blackberry or an iPhone with them. Personally, I don't care whether you used smoke signals, carrier pigeons, owls, semaphores, clacks, telegraph, some alien technology or whatever to send your message.

Why not add an automated message to every phone call "Calling from my iPhone"? Why not say on every fax you send, "Sent from my 24th century Canon"? Why not brag about your model as well rather than just the make? Wouldn't "Sent from my iPhone 3GS" make you cooler than all the iPhone 3G users? A lot of people jazz up their online identities. They lie about their age, gender, location, salary, looks and everything in between. Why not also lie about what device you are using?

So even if you are sending a text from a 20th century phone or sending an email using a UNIX dumb terminal, go ahead and add to your signature, "Sent from my iPhone 4G to your stupid device. I am hip and cool"

Changing Shapes

2010-03-30T22:08:00.003-07:00

According to the TOI, the Pentagon has changed the shape of their building from a five sided structure to something which looks like pants. The article headline says,

US has excellent military relationship with India: Pantagon

Maybe Area 51's secret headquarters is in the shape of a pair of pants!

Cost Benefit Analysis

2010-03-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

About two months back, I booked my tickets for traveling to India on Air India. About two weeks later, I got another email saying that my itinerary had changed. The "updated itinerary" was just adjusted for day light savings time (in practice since 1916), as I am going to fly after the spring time change. Air India has not figured this out yet. This is what happens when you have the government running things they should not be running.

Maybe a cost benefit analysis of hiring a bunch of programmers and making the the necessary system change vs. employing people to send emails was done. The cost benefit analysis favored the option which benefited the costs i.e. where costs were higher.

****
Here's John McEnroe complaining to the chair umpire, "You CANNOT Be Serious".

Now I know

2010-03-29T22:11:00.001-07:00

I tried to leave comments on a couple of blogs at Times of India. None of my comments appeared. I finally figured out the problem. The verification section for the comments says "Please answer this simple math question". The so called simple math question includes questions like 5 + 77, 8 + 64 etc. It is quite clear that one has to be good at numbers (or at least have a calculator) to have any chance of leaving a comment. We are talking large 2 digit numbers, addition with carry overs and what not! It seems like TOI is running promos for "Are you smarter than a 5th grader"? I need to keep a calculator handy, as I hate using the one which comes with Windows.

I am more successful at posting comments where word verification is turned on. All the years of reading my own horrible penmanship has made me an expert at reading illegible words. The advantage I had over people with legible handwriting is gone now.

Three Rocks

2010-03-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Last night, I caught some part of the health care debate and did a simple experiment. I switched back and forth between Fox News (Conservative) and MSNBC (Liberal). Looking at their coverage, it seemed like both the channels were talking about the same event happening on two completely different planets and either of the planets did not sound like earth! I am just fortunate that I live on Planet Earth.

March of the Vowels

2010-03-20T22:30:00.004-07:00

The last couple of years have seen one of the five vowels achieving ascendancy in the society at any given point in time. Let us see how we have been through that journey and try to predict where we will be in the future.

A few decades back we started off with "a". A-type personalities, A-list celebrities and A-players were the talk of the town. If you belonged to any of the other 25 alphabets, it was not worth playing the game. You were just drowning in a worthless yucky soup of 25 useless ingredients.

The internet age pushed the "a" aside and ushered in an era of the "e". Everything was e-something. e-commerce, e-mail, e-business, e-bay, e-file and what not. People with double E (EE) degrees, started calling themselves e-E instead of double E. Either you were "e" or you were out.

Apple decided that it was the turn of the "i" rather than the "e". (Boy, Apple is self centered). So suddenly "i" (and egos along with that) came into fashion. i-Pod, i-Mac, iPhone, iPad and i-Rock (that is what lot of people started saying). It became a game of an "I" for an "I".

Over the last few years we have traveled from "a" to "e" and now to "i". So purely by logical reasoning the next two steps should be "o" and "u". But how will we get there and what will be o-something followed by u-everything? Here's my take on it.

With global warming, financial meltdown, Armageddon in 2012, natural disasters, crazies like Kim Jong Il and the Iranian nutcase, terrorism and other problems, people will start using the "o" a lot. Phrases like o-crap!, o-no!, o-my-god and o-we-are-so-screwed! will become very common. If most of your sentences will not begin with the "o", you will not be in the know.

Everybody knows that every time something goes wrong, it is immediately followed by massive finger pointing. All of us try to find someone to blame. So it is but obvious, that the "o"s will be followed by the "u"s. u-idiot, u-moron, u-screwed-up and finally with u!(#)*))_#!! If you will not use the "u", you will be through.

The big question is where will be go after "u", if we survive as a civilization? If history repeats itself, will we go back to "a", or will we start the "March of the Consonants" instead. The jury will be out there, till we get to the point. What do you think?

Photo Courtesy of Flickr User timbrauhn

Planet Rover

2010-03-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

There are two things which I really love to do. Travel and eat good food. There is nothing like eating good food while traveling to different places. If you like to talk about food and travel, check out my other blog. Posting there has been very very infrequent but I hope to pick up the pace in the future, as travels to Washington DC, Dallas, Mumbai, Goa and Gujarat beckon over the next few weeks.

Morphine

2010-03-17T23:45:00.003-07:00

I recently attended an entrepreneurship panel. One of the panelists was a CEO of a company which has created a marketplace for parents to find baby sitters and other services. She said something very interesting. She said that vitamins make you feel peppy. Medicines (e.g. tylenol) make you feel better. But people will crawl over broken glass to get a dose of morphine. The product and services that you offer should be like morphine to your customers and the only thing you can hear after that is "ka-ching, ka-ching"! It was wonderful advice for all the aspiring and current entrepreneurs out there.

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user Dano

Geico, take down that commercial

2010-03-17T20:30:00.006-07:00

Controversy seems to pursue the IPL Punjab Kings XI franchise. The latest controversy is due to a newspaper commercial which ran something like this:

“The stadium was silent. Chandrashekhar Azad, Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev and Rajguru had just walked into the stands. Are you the wildest Kings XI fan in the stadium? Then you are fan of the match...”

Shahid Bhagat Singh's grandson and the Global Human Righs Commission has filed lawsuits. The lawyer said:

“This amounts to hurting the feelings of millions of Indians. How can someone use the names of freedom fighters for commercial gain? We have made Ness Wadia and Preity Zinta parties in this issue.

This is in a country where we have put the face of arguably the most important and respected freedom fighter in the history of mankind on the currency itself. Should all the citizens take affront to putting the picture of the father of the nation on bank notes? We are not only using the name but also the image. It is not being used just for commercial gain but commerce itself.

Bhagat Singh inspired and united millions of people. Cricket is one of the few things which unites all Indians irrespective of all the other things which cause problems and divide us - religion, caste etc. Bhagat Singh was a firecracker. If one has to hazard a guess, he would have very much preferred the excitement of 20/20, rather than the slower pace of test cricket.

It is a cliched theme where certain things always offend millions of Indians e.g. cattle class controversy with Shashi Tharoor.

If we go by the assumption that all of us lived in caves at some point in time, then Geico is definitely insulting all of humanity by its cave man series commercial. Geico please take down those commercials as you are insulting and hurting millions of humans.

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user pranav

Ghosts of the Ostfront

2010-03-15T16:00:00.002-07:00

As some of you know, I am a big history buff and especially WW II history. Recently I stumbled across some podcasts by reporter Dan Carlin where he talks about the momentous struggle between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union on the eastern front. The link was provided by an extremely interesting blog which I regularly read called "Barking up the wrong tree". The podcasts are in 4 episodes totaling almost 5 hours and 45 minutes. If you are interested in this stuff, the almost six hours will go by like a breeze, as you can listen to it in the background. Barking up the wrong tree says:

I think history is a phenomenal subject but it's usually conveyed by bad storytellers, rendering it dry and uninteresting. This is a wonderful exception.

I couldn't agree more. If you are interested, get them now as they are free.

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user o palsson

Split Decisions

2010-03-15T07:24:00.001-07:00

If you mix crap with junk, you don't get a nice tasty pudding. The whole notion that a lotus grows in muddy waters, does not apply when the muddy water is the government. Sometimes 1 + 1 not only does not add to 11, but also does not add to 2 (more like -11).

In India, a parliamentary committee called COPU wants Air India and Indian Airlines to split back into two. The joint company has lost more money than the two could have potentially lost together. All this is good, but one thing which is not being talked about here at all is, as to what business does the government have in running an airline? An attempt was made in 2001 to divest it, but nothing has been done since then. Is it so that the "government servants" can treat it as their personal vehicles and run up a huge bills traveling non-cattle class?

The airline has 27 new Dreamliners on order. For a relatively small airline with about 140 odd planes, the joint company has planes from 13 different aircraft platforms compounding its maintenance problems significantly. Not surprisingly, as would be the case in a government run operation, the whole thing is one big mess.

COPU should stop COPU-lating (screwing) and recommend a divestment for the airlines rather than just moving some pieces around.

Image: Courtesy of Flickr user Swami Stream

Remote Control

2010-03-15T04:48:00.002-07:00

Does anyone remember what a TV remote looked like in the 80s in India, when there was only one channel (DD)? Did the remote have only four buttons? Power, volume up, volume down and mute? There was no need for a TV guide, channel surfing buttons or anything of that sort.

Given that there were very few TVs in the neighborhood, you always had some neighbors watching TV at your place (if you had a TV). When you always have more than a few people watching TV, it can never be muted and you always have to keep the volume at the highest level. So did remotes have only one button??

*****
The biggest remote control was the government, as it controlled what came down the antennas.

Photo: Courtesy of Flick user AndyRob

To Pi or not to Pi

2010-03-14T08:02:00.004-07:00

3/14. Pi Day. Wishing all geeks, nerds, people interested in math and everyone else a very happy Pi Day. March 14th, 2015, 9:26:53 is going to be a special moment in our life time as it will represent pi up to the 9th decimal place (3.141592653)! Pi Day seems like a good time to crack some stupid pi jokes about pi-enthusiasts (that includes me as well).

Q: What is the most popular musical instrument among pi-enthusiasts?
A: Pi-ano

Q: What is the most popular family game for pi-enthusiasts?
A: Pi-ctionary.

Q: How do pi-enthusiasts like to spend their summer weekend?
A: By going on a Pi-cnic.

Q: Who is their favorite painter?
A: Pi-casso.

When that special moment arrives in 2015, bend from your waist, spread your legs and spread your arms to make a pi. If you want some flourish in your pi, bend down your right hand a bit and put your left leg resting on the back of your foot and pointing to the left at a 45 degree angle. If you see other people doing the same, you will make an instant pi-ous connection with them!

********
If you use the English system of writing dates, do your special Pi on 31st April 2015 at the same time.

Image courtesy: Flickr User jorel314

Two Clowns and a Kahuna

2010-03-10T16:00:00.001-08:00

Was G-talking with the ape-man about his upcoming trip to the motherland. He mentioned that he was going for a week only as he had recently changed roles at work. Below is an unedited (almost) version of the subsequent conversation, reproduced here without permission from the ape-man (I am sure he won't mind!)

Me: Ah, so you are the big Kahuna now!

Ape-man: Maybe smallest of the big Kahunas. What would you name a romantic comedy with kahunas in it?

Me: "Kahu"-Na Pyaar Hai

Ape-man: Bingo :-)

It was a classic case of two clowns and a big Kahuna!

Numbered days of a bachelor

2010-03-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

Bachelor life for a married man is numbered. Here are my numbers:

2 - 2 minute Maggie noodles
3 - Bowls of Raisin Brawn Cereal a day
8 - Minutes to keep corn in the microwave
30 - blog entries read per day
750 - ml of red wine per day

Two buttons too soon

2010-03-09T21:53:00.000-08:00

In the office elevator today, a man got in with a newspaper under his arm. As soon as he entered, he pressed the button for his floor and then immediately pressed the "Close Door" button. Most elevators have a mind of their own and will close the door whenever they feel like it. Even if the elevator responds to every command, one could not save more than one or two seconds at most. A better strategy would be to press the "Close Door" button followed by the floor button to make the process even faster.

Fast Finger Freddy was not going to do much after reaching his floor other than picking his nose with his fast fingers and reading the newspaper. So slow down (in the elevator, not the nose picking), take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.

Is this just one more sign of the age of impatience and perceived instant gratification?

Death by devotion

2010-03-05T06:00:00.003-08:00

Free food. Free clothes. Death.

Pilgrimage. Death.

Prayer. Death.

Not a few months go by, before scores of people are killed in a stampede at a temple or a religious event in India. The latest incident in northern UP happened when a holy man organized a feast to mark the death anniversary of his wife and offered free food and clothes to people. It was an ironic way to mark the death anniversary with more deaths.

The excessive demand for religious/spiritual services has allowed all kinds of suppliers to flourish, irrespective of their motivations. Even when the swamis and gurus don't have ulterior motives, the lack of proper management creates these horrific situations. Combine that with an utter lack of safety concerns in such matters in the general population and you have a disaster waiting to happen at any time. On top of that, rationally or irrationally most people believe that nothing terrible can happen to them and so they throw caution to the wind.

There are certain institutions which create conditions which are conducive for a mad rush to get a "darshan". I had gone to a famous and extremely popular temple in southern Rajasthan. There are only specific times during the day when the temple is open and those time slots are very short. It inevitably creates a mad rush to get into the temple and creates an extremely risky situation. After one experience, I vowed never to go there till they fix the problem. I just felt that the management should make the process more democratic and accessible, but then that could potentially dilute their importance.

All these incidents beg the question, "is religion the opium or the poison of the masses?"

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user japokskee

Greek

2010-03-04T21:53:00.001-08:00

EU countries have been trying to come up with solutions to the Greek economic problem. Recent suggestions have also included selling off some of the inhabited islands in the Mediterranean. The Greek problem is fairly complicated with wide ranging implications across entire Europe. Unfortunately, even if some Greeks do not understand the causes of the problem, they will not have the liberty to say that "the problem is Greek to me"

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user alancleaver_2000

Goo-gle or Moo-gle?

2010-03-03T08:10:00.003-08:00

Topeka, KS has decided to call itself Google, KS for a month. According to TechCrunch, Topeka is trying to get Google's attention so that Google will try out its 1GBPS broadband in Topeka. Having spent some time in KS, I appreciate the town's efforts to make things interesting once in while. Also, given that the majority of inhabitants in the area are cows, it might be worthwhile to call itself Moo-gle. This will not only honor their bovine friends, but will also get Google's attention.

Ducks in a row

2010-03-02T06:37:00.002-08:00

Not a week goes by at work, when someone uses the phrase, "we need to get our ducks in a row". The phrase is heard even more frequently (sigh!) at the business school. After looking at the scorecard of the recent Zimbabwe-West Indies T20I match, it seemed like someone from the Zimbabwe team (the coach or the captain?) talked to some MBAs and took their advice seriously on this topic. There were a total of 8 ducks in the match (6 by Zimbabwe and 2 by the WI) with three of the "ducks in a row" at the top of the innings for Zimbabwe.

Cricket is one place where you don't want to get any ducks and if you do, then you definitely don't want them in a row!

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user andybullock77

The cattle never sleeps

2010-02-24T22:02:00.006-08:00

When Shashi Tharoor had referred to cattle class and holy cows, it had caused a huge controversy last year. Actually, if you think about it, the phrase is incomplete and needs an additional qualifier.

Cattle very rarely sit down and it is also hard to find sleeping cattle. Cows sometimes catch some sleep while standing up. They are always grazing and roaming around and supposedly the main reason is evolutionary. Have you ever seen a cow or bull get up from a sitting position? It is not pretty and it takes a long time. A sitting cow would be literally a sitting duck (pun intended) against an agile predator.

So even though cattle class does describe economy class passengers being herded together in close quarters on an aircraft, humans at least get a chance to sit down, while cattle very rarely do. The mere fact that humans are allowed to sit down without the danger of being jumped upon, qualifies the economy class as "Business Cattle Class". It is the business/first section of cattle class. A true cattle class will surely happen in the next few years, if airlines continue to lose billions (and they surely will) every year. Economy class passengers will be forced to travel standing and that will be true cattle class.

****
By the way, if Citibank decides to start an airline, it will be called CitiAir with the slogan "The Cattle Never Sleeps"

Photo: Courtesy of Flickr user sean_hickin

Hotdogs on a plane

2010-02-24T18:05:00.007-08:00

On a recent American Airlines flight, I found a blanket on my seat. I was completely surprised because AA had recently announced that a charge of $ 8 per blanket on domestic flights for economy passengers.

After getting home, I narrated my experience to K. She immediately came up with an idea where a frequent traveler could carry blankets and rent them out for say $ 3 per blanket. As is the case in such situations, we obviously started throwing some crazy ideas around from that point onwards. Very soon a picture of a passenger emerged, with a strap around his neck and a basket attached to it, while selling peanuts, pretzels, energy bars, salads, other snacks (not sodas as the airlines give them for free) and renting blankets!!

Wouldn't it be funny if a passenger suddenly got up and started peddling his wares? "Energy bar $ 1. Potato chips $ 1. Get them quick before the next turbulence". The passenger could pay for his checked baggage fees with the proceeds. Do you know of any rules which prevent passengers from running a business on a flight?

Photo: Courtesy of Flicker User Laram777

With flying colors (almost)

2010-02-12T22:05:00.003-08:00

We recently received a gift pack from Similac, makers of baby formula. We have used their product intermittently whenever required. The package also included a small folded sheet with information and tips for dads. One of the segments is titled, "How to be a Hero during Delivery"

I can proudly say (or boast) that I passed all the criteria mentioned above. Some of the credit goes to K because she did not yell at me or get mad during the entire process (I didn't give her a chance I guess). The only rap I got was that I didn't take enough pictures. Either way, I can safely proclaim that I am one of the Similac Delivery Heroes.

Medals Galore and Unique Sports

2010-02-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

With the 2010 Winter Olympics ready to start, it is the right time to talk about medals. In the 2008 summer Olympics, China was able to for the first time top the medals tally at an Olympics. A large part of their success was driven primarily by exceptional performance with medals in gymnastics, weightlifting, diving, shooting and table tennis. This is possible because sports like weightlifting, diving and shooting have multiple events with an opportunity to win multiple medals. Most of these sports are individual sports (even the team medals are based on adding up individual performances e.g. gymnastics).

Swimming is especially interesting because one can swim four ways and then depending on how far you swim (50, 100, 200 m etc) you can win a million medals. It actually gets more interesting because the medley event puts all the four styles together to create a thousand more categories. The IOC can actually get more creative by having events where they can pick 2 or 3 of these styles and create an event out of it. They could even consider the order in which these styles are swum to add a gazillion more events. (permutations of 2,3,4 styles e.g. breast stroke and freestyle is a different event than freestyle and breaststroke for 100 m, 200 m, 400 m etc). Swimming lends itself to multiple medals and possibilities for even more medals without changing the rules of the game too much (fastest to the end wins). People might get really really giddy if Michael Phelps wins twenty gold medals rather than just eight.

Along the same lines tennis, volleyball and cricket are unique in some ways. All of them have variations which no other team sport (not that I know of have) has. Almost all sports today are played in a unisex format. Men's hockey, men's football, women's basketball etc. Tennis is the only sport which has a mixed event where there is a man and a woman on each team. No other sport allows the mixing of genders on the same team in a competitive environment.

Volleyball is also unique even though its uniqueness is a bit murky. People have invented the sport of beach volleyball from volleyball, with almost similar rules but different number of people on the team.

Cricket is unique in a different way. There are three extremely competitive versions of the game of varying duration with very similar rules. Now that cricket can become an Olympic sport, cricket playing nations might have a chance at at least winning 2 maybe three gold medals (not sure how a five day test match event can be fitted within two weeks of Olympics).

The fruit of sin

2010-02-01T08:27:00.001-08:00

The new iPad might have amused some women due to its unique name, but the name in itself will not keep any women away from the device. Is Apple going to tick off potential women shoppers of the iPad given that the iPad cannot multitask, something that women are not only capable of but also proud of?

Here's a funny take on the iPad done by the guys who take the same clip from the the movie Der Untergang about the last days of Hitler and tailor it to different situations.

Wikipedia?

2010-01-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

What do you call it when someone uses Wikipedia to backup their argument in a contract negotiation?

Weak-I-pedia.

Spare the veil and spoil the vote

2010-01-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

Place: A polling booth in rural India
Time: Election time

A very graceful and tall burqa clad lady (BCL) along with a face veil (purdah) walks into the voting booth. An election official (EO) asks for an ID. The lady quickly whips out one and shows it.

EO: Excuse me, but the photo on this ID just shows a woman in a burqa and I cannot see the face. How do I know it is you?
BCL: (very politely) Sir, how does an ID work?
EO: Well, you look at the photo in the ID and try to match it to the person.
BCL: Exactly! so let me vote.

*****
Same place, 15 minutes later. A rough and manly burqa clad "woman" rushes into the booth, slaps the election official and says in a very gruff voice, "You idiot, my face matches the ID and so I am voting."
******
The same scene is repeated at 10-15 minutes intervals all day long.
******
Enter the Supreme Court of India and with another stroke of common sense, decrees that either you lift your veil for voting or you don't vote. The same report says,

Counsel for petitioner M Ajam Khan had contended that asking `purdah-nashin' women to lift their veil for being photographed would amount to sacrilege as their photographs would be seen by many men working as polling agents and electoral officials.

This clearly indicates lawyers would argue any side as long as they get paid. This also shows that there are crazy people who are willing to defend a ludicrous position on the grounds of religion even though according to some clerics there is no provision for that in the holy book. Irrespective of what the religion or customs say, the whole position is indefensible on the grounds of being impractical. Even though religion is a completely private matter for the individual, it cannot be used to defend a particular course of action which has connections to an external looking process.

It seems like these type of impractical defenses are based purely on satisfying some constituency from a political standpoint. The sad part is that there are crazy people (e.g. Marathi speaking taxi drivers only in Mumbai, all the other MNS craziness, events leading to the pink chaddi campaign etc) like this trying to satisfy a constituency, however narrow that constituency might be.

I think "Spare the Veil and Spoil the Vote" should not be as controversial as the "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child" dictum. But what do I know?

Moo-zzarella

2010-01-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

Italian cheese makers in the Campania region have been having a very tough time with their mozzarella cheese business. In January 2008, the exalted mozzarella di bufala production was in jeopardy as the buffaloes producing the milk for the cheese were infected with Brucellosis. This was immediately followed in March by the revelation that some of the cheese samples were contaminated with dioxins, which can be fairly toxic.

The producers might have just been recovering from those back to back problems, when they have been hit by another problem. This time the problem is not bacterial or chemical but it is bovine in nature. A random test has found that almost 25% of the samples included cow's milk, when mozzarella is supposed to be made purely from buffalo's milk. Connoisseurs and purists all over the world have been scandalized by this finding, especially when "the cheese has protected status under EU law, as it is made from the milk of domesticated water buffalo raised in designated areas of southern Italy. That allows producers to charge a premium." (Source: BBC)

If the Italian's have any marketing sense, they should just sell this as Moo-zzarella cheese.

***

On another note, do you think there should be laws which give special status to any product and allow the producers to charge a premium? I think it is morally and economically wrong.

Erich Segal - R.I.P.

2010-01-19T22:03:00.001-08:00

Author of books and movies like Love Story, The Class and Doctors has passed on.

No Golden Anniversary

2010-01-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

Basuda passed away recently. If he had lived for four more years, he would have reached a 100 and would also have marked the golden jubilee (1964-2014) of the founding of the CPI(M) in India. No one would have minded giving the old man four more years of life, but it will be a travesty if the wretched and antiquated ideas of the party he led continue for more years to come. Basuda called the decision of the CPI(M) party to not participate in the government in 1996, which prevented him from becoming PM as a historic blunder. This was the only good decision taken by the party in its entire existence. Basuda had a lot of accomplishments to his name, but here are some of the highlights:

Ensured that Bengalis stagnated in poverty for three decades.
Ensured the whole sale flight of industry and innovation from Bengal.
Led and kept alive the horrible idea of communism or Fabian socialism (either way its horrible) for nearly half a century.
Supported China during the 1962 Indo-China war.

I still cannot forget the look of hopelessness in the eyes of hundreds of people in the country side in West Bengal during the mid and late 1990s.

Basuda and his cronies made sure that they just did a slightly better job than Bihar and so you still see a lot of Biharis in Kolkatta. It was a very low bar to begin with and as Jon Stewart would call it, the bar was lying on the ground and they still tripped.

May the higher power bless his soul but not his party or ideas.

Delta or Infinity

2010-01-12T12:03:00.000-08:00

Delta Airlines has announced that they are going to increase the checked baggage fee again. Obviously, all other airlines (except Southwest) will follow suit within no time. The way Delta is raising baggage fees, they will have to change their name from Delta (δ - Greek symbol delta typically used to denote very small changes) to Infinity Airlines(∞ - concept that refers to quantity without any bounds).

Resemblances

2010-01-11T23:24:00.001-08:00

A new addition to the family is usually followed by the customary congratulations and best wishes. Given all the pleasure and stress of a new birth for the parents, both are greatly welcome, desired and required as well. With the formalities out of the way, the next question is around the name and what does the name mean (true for desis only). Once the name calling is done, the next big discussion is who does the baby look like? Does it look like the father or does it look like the mother? (Assuming both the parents are known unambiguously).

It is very difficult to figure out the gender of a baby by just looking at its face. It might be even more difficult to figure out who does the baby look like. But invariably, anyone and everyone has an opinion about it and it is not a weak one. Almost half the people are convinced that junior looks like dad and the other half is willing to bet their first born child on the observation that junior actually looks like mom. Maybe I am not that bright, but I for one am not able to figure this one out (non even for my own baby). The confidence shown by people in calling out a resemblance to one or the other parent when the baby is just a few days old is just astounding to me. It would be interesting to see what would happen in a police line up and a witness is asked to identify the perpetrator of the crime. Given the split down the line, it is no surprise that hardly any one ever gets caught because he or she is identified as the criminal during this process.

A completely different explanation for this phenomenon was given by my uncle. He had not seen our daughter's picture, but he still asked me whom does she look like? I explained my challenge related to figuring that out, but told him that half of the people were saying that she looked like me and the other half was saying that she looked like her mom. Without missing a beat, my uncle coolly said, "It can mean only one thing. It means that you and your daughter's mom look the same!!".

Women Parking

2010-01-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

BBC has reported that a shopping center in China has built a special parking lot for women.

The women-only car park in Shijiazhuang city is also painted in pink and light purple to appeal to female tastes.

Official Wang Zheng told AFP news agency the car park was meant to cater to women's "strong sense of colour and different sense of distance".

The parking bays are one metre (3ft) wider than normal spaces, he said.

If you look at the picture of the parking lot (image courtesy: Le Monde), the English translation says "Women Parking". It almost sounds like a warning to everyone that women were parking in the area and if one valued their life, they should stay away from the area!

I see a couple of things which can seem offensive to women.

Women can be sold anything if it is of the color pink
Women cannot drive and so they need more parking space, with an explanation which talks about catering to women's "different sense of distance". It is interesting to see that even the Chinese are learning the American habit of political correctness (fat is well rounded, old person is someone with life skills etc).

Based on the comments on the story, everyone (mostly women) seems to be more miffed due to the wider parking spaces and no one has complained about the pink color. I find that strange, as most women can differentiate between millions of colors and not just simple colors like pink. Women prefer more complicated colors like pomegranate red, peacock green and champagne. I feel it is more insulting to women when marketeers think that they can sell any crap which is pink in color. But surprisingly enough, women don't seem to get offended by it, but rather by a swipe at their driving skills. Men on the other hand can only differentiate between basic RGB colors (if the lighting is right) and since the demise of black and white televisions, they cannot even differentiate between black and white.

Women are more riled up about the extra wide parking spaces, when they actually might be more useful as most women do a lot of shopping and they might need that extra space to stuff all their shopping bags in their car easily.

-----
I found the news report for this on Language Log. If you are even mildly interested in languages, you should visit this blog.

Baby Confusion

2010-01-05T21:25:00.001-08:00

Everybody had told me about the sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the schedule change and the general pandemonium that would follow after welcoming a new family member. I was mentally prepared for all that (to a certain extent - more on that some other time) and so most of the things did not come as a surprise. What came as a big surprise was all the conflicting advice that I got from different sources and there were plenty of them. Don't get me wrong, I don't know anything about this and so any advice is welcome. But, things can get very hairy when five people say one thing and five other people say a completely different thing about the same issue.

As far as bringing up a baby is concerned, more people seem to have more opinions than they have about Middle East peace, global warming, world poverty and the Kashmir problem combined. Anyone and everyone has an opinion. People with kids, people without kids, people with grand kids, people without grand kids, people with pets, people without pets, old women at the grocery store, old women at the hospital, people in the elevator, doormen, other professionals and even telemarketers. You name a demographic and they will have an opinion on child care. Yours truly gets confused fairly easily. Tell me to turn left and point with your right hand and I will be confused. All these different opinions has my head in a spin.

Put the baby in the crib, keep the baby with you in bed, swaddle the baby, don't swaddle the baby, don't pick up the baby every time it cries, pick up the baby every time it cries, lift the baby with the right hand under its neck, lift the baby with the left hand under its neck, change the diaper every two hours, change the diaper every three hours. Wow!! Every time I encounter a situation where I feel confused (which is basically most of the time), I turn to the baby mama for help with a sheepish face. Fortunately, she is clear about what she wants to do.

Some people have advised me to baby proof the house right away and some people have told me to wait for a year. I think what I need to do is to sound proof myself right away.

Judicial Extremes

2010-01-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

Over the last couple of days, two cases have highlighted the extremes of judicial processes among the two rising economic giants of Asia.

The Akmal Shaikh case in China, where an allegedly mentally ill person was executed for holding 4 kg of heroin. I don't know the details of the case, but in general according to the BBC, the entire process is shrouded in secrecy and no one has any information about the process. Also, the BBC report points to the the following:

Last year 72% of the world's total executions took place in China - Amnesty International

It applies to 68 offenses, including non-violent crimes such as tax fraud and embezzlement

The Chinese feel that capital punishment is a way to root out crime and no one needs to know when, how and why about any particular case.

The second case is from India, where 19 years ago a teenager was sexually molested (she later committed suicide to subsequent harassment) by a high ranking police official. Due to continued patronage from the politicians in power, the case was delayed for 19 years. After almost 2 decades, 425 hearings (yes 425!!) the perpetrator was handed down a sentence of 6 months (based on an antiquated British era law) and a fine of Rs. 1000 (about $ 22) and he was seen walking out smiling after the sentencing. There are hundreds and thousands of cases which languish in the Indian judicial system and the victims are victimized multiple times over.

It is painful to see how two ancient civilizations are managing the judicial process in two totally different but flawed approaches. The communist regime in its apparent zeal to curb crime is using medieval draconian laws where some one can be executed at the drop of a hat. As far as the world's largest democracy goes, the process has so many loop holes that getting timely justice is next to impossible. With its stated desire to provide due process to each and every individual, the state has forgotten the age old adage that justice delayed is justice denied.

Obviously, both the systems are flawed to a great extent and the real solution lies somewhere in between. Many studies have indicated that capital punishment has limited to no effect on reducing or preventing crime. A very swift justice system also has the risk of not following the due process and handing out faulty justice. The communist system is very much like other communists systems in the world, both present and future where the rights of the individuals are not respected and the state is everything. In the other system, plaintiffs and defendants have an option to exploit the system to their advantage so much so that no justice can be served. An innocent person getting convicted for a crime he or she is not responsible for might be equally wrong than a guilty person getting away virtually free.

If you had the option of only choosing one of the two systems, which one would you choose and why?

No need for governors

2009-12-29T23:05:00.002-08:00

Playboy Un-D Tiwari is 85 years old and was the governor of a state of which he most probably has no clue. He has been a politician from UP for years and years. I have nothing against old people, but why do we have an 85 year old man who has no clue about that state as the governor (e.g. Barnala is the governor of Tamil Nadu).

Being the governor of a state in India is a cushy job with no responsibilities, no real power but a lot of perks. Given that governors don't have any real power, the only politicians interested in that job would be the ones who are not power hungry (none exist anywhere in the world) or the ones who are at a stage in life where they cannot grab a lot of power.

A quick survey of 25 governors in India on Wikipedia shows the following interesting trend in terms of their age:

Governors born in the 1920s - 7
Governors born in the 1930s - 11
Governors born in the 1940s - 7

So almost 72% of the governors in India are well into their 70s and 80s. This clearly reeks of political nepotism and favoritism where people are taking care of their old buddies while keeping them out of their power grabbing ways.

State governors are just figure heads with no real use or duties. They are a drain on the exchequer and an occasional embarrassment to the state. There is no need for these figure heads and this duty could easily be turned over to some position in the central government. This antiquated position should be done away with and be replaced with directly elected chief ministers.

Un-D

2009-12-28T23:00:00.002-08:00

Given ND Tiwari's antics at a ménage à quatre, should ND Tiwari be called Un-D Tiwari?

The TT underwear ad should change its song from "Yeh pasand babujiki, Yeh pasand betejiki" to "Yeh pasand dadajiki, Yeh pasand babujiki..."

Maybe one of the ladies in the orgy was called Rupa and Un-D took the "Rupa ke underwear aur baniyan pehene" too literally?

News on the Tube

2009-12-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

Robin Hanson is a very different thinker. His blog "Overcoming Bias" always has interesting ideas and discussions about a variety of topics including movies, economics, the far future etc. You might not agree with some (or maybe most) of what he says, but he does have a very different way of thinking. Some people have also called him a polymath.

Recently he blogged about how busy reporters try to balance the reporting by using sources from two sides of an argument and how it hurts actual reporting.

What we learn from the usual reporter process is mainly the arguments offered by ideologues trying to support the expected two sides. We don’t learn about arguments that don’t clearly support an expected side, nor about the wider space of positions taken, nor about the distribution of opinions on the topic.

This analysis rings so true based on what we see today. Even non-incidents like Sen. Franken denying extra time to Sen. Lieberman were debated by a panel of strategists from the left and the right, with standard boiler plate responses. CNN analysts like Gloria Borger, David Gergen, Donna Brazille, David Axelrod and others seem to live in the CNN studios and are called upon to react on each and every story. These people are like talking parrots who never deviate from their standard line of "Polly wants a cracker", while the other side says "Polly does not want a cracker".

I, for one, like to take a slightly different approach to the news. The cable and network news channels are not a source of news but of entertainment. It is better to get different views on an issue by reading different blog sites which don't have predetermined agendas. These blogs foster more of a dialogue rather than just the one way drivel coming out of the tube. If one follows that approach, then it becomes much more entertaining. It will also change what you watch as most balanced news segments are boring. The Glenn Becks, Rachel Madows, Bill O'Reillys and Keith Olbermanns of the world are far more entertaining than the mindless reporting from Wolf Blitzer or any of the other major network shows.

Actually, you can divorce yourself completely from news on the tube as the more interesting segments of these polarized commentary shows invariably make their way on to the internet. This will keep you entertained and informed at minimum expense, while keeping you away from predictable and boring analysis.

A Dog's Life

2009-12-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

The recent Copenhagen meet highlighted some of the challenges facing the world as it relates to global warming and environmental protection. As usual the believers and non-believers of global warming from both rich and poor nations of the world, were blaming the other sides of wanting to stifle their growth. As expected, nothing concrete came out of it, other than a non-binding agreement negotiated by a few states. People were talking about global warming, rise in sea levels, reduction in agricultural yields, increase in starvation and poverty and carbon footprints of people from different countries. An interesting observation by Duncan Green, Head of Oxfam GB says:

A bigger dog such as a German shepherd consumes even more – its carbon pawprint is more like 1.1 gha. That is more than the environmental footprint of the average Indian person, who uses just 0.8 gha of resources.

An average Indian person's environmental impact is less than that of a pet dog in UK! This data point brings out the huge differences facing the world when we talk about the environmental impact of our actions. Are Indians better than pets in the UK in terms of their environmental impact or is the quality of life of these pets better?

Is it just enough to look at the environmental impact or should we also be looking at the quality of living and value to the world that one achieves for that environmental impact. If it is generally believed that a pet dog ranks high on quality of living etc indicator than an Indian person, then maybe the higher carbon paw print is justified. If not, then it is definitely an issue because a pet is having a larger impact while having a lower quality of living and lesser positive potential to impact the world. Pets also have potential positive externalities associated with them which makes it even more complicated. Most of the carbon paw print for pets seems to be coming from the pet food industry. Some people have advocated vegetarianism for dogs, but PETA is bound to object. So should PETA be considered an anti-environmental organization by these people?

In either case, if we assume that human beings are the most evolved animals on the planet (sans Douglas Adams), then something is seriously wrong when creatures smaller than human beings have larger environmental impact than them.

The Economics of Tardiness - II

2009-10-15T12:17:00.000-07:00

Some interesting offline discussions about my previous post has allowed me to take a further look at this issue.

A close friend, who lives in the River North neighborhood, made an interesting observation. The street parking in that area is almost $ 6 (or $ 8) an hour. The rates go down to a negligible (or free) amount at 9:00 PM. The net result is that if you try to find parking at 9:01 PM, the chances are as remote as finding a cat litter box in an Arab's tent in the Sahara desert. So when he hosts a party, he gives everyone the time of 9:00 PM and people come in right around 8:45 PM, find a spot and get to the party before time. Obviously, people who take the public transport don't care (about time, not the environment) and show up whenever. The high parking fee is an economic locus of control which is external. If I try the same stunt, it won't work because I will be torn between my internal locus of control - hunger and my desire to be decent and not eat before the guests arrive. Invariably hunger trumps decency.

I was discussing with K whether punctuality or lack there off is hereditary or not. Both our parents are also very punctual, but based on a sample set of 5 children, heredity seems to favor the tardiness gene. Tardiness is also immune to profiling. Most of the Indians assume that most of the other Indians are not punctual and that sounds like one big dose of profiling based on time. Is this type of profiling bad or is it just being realistic?

When we got married, some one in our family (don't know who) told someone in K's family (don't know who) that the bride (K) should be ready by 9:00 AM to ensure that all the ceremonies and rituals proceeded on time. That person was obviously guilty of profiling (if profiling by time is a crime) and had added an hour as a tardiness buffer. But true to her nature, K got ready at 9:00 AM and showed up. This caused a bit of a stampede on the groom's side as some people were still loitering around aimlessly in their PJs and lungis, while hunting for some breakfast.

This brings up an interesting point. What makes people to be not punctual? Accordingly to Cialdini's commitment and consistency principle, most people would not be late if they have made a commitment of being somewhere on time. Does this mean that Cialdini is not right or maybe no commitments are being made?

Well, if you have to be somewhere on time, stop wasting your time in reading this useless blog and get going! But if you are like the most people, then sit back, relax and click hither and thither.

The Economics of Tardiness

2009-10-13T15:28:00.001-07:00

For some reason, K and I were talking about punctuality the other night. I was wondering why are Indians in general not so good about keeping time. Most of Indians are always fashionably late everywhere and it is no coincidence that the phrase "Indian Standard Time" is well understood phrase, even though the benefits of doing things on time from an economic perspective have been well documented.

Most of the people in industrialized nations are known to be punctual in nature (North America, Western Europe, Japan etc), whereas people from South Asia, Africa and Latin America are known for their lackadaisical attitude towards keeping time. I was just wondering if being punctual is the effect of industrialization in these countries or one of the causes. (if you value your and others time, you will be driven to innovations which will improve efficiencies, productivity and save time)

Some people have started making an effort to change behaviors. Following the well known saying that "Punctuality begins at home" (or was it "Charity begins at home", whatever), home minister Chidambaram has introduced a biometric scanning system at the ministry which tracks the time when people show up for or leave work. Apparently, this has worked wonders and the tardiness has gone down significantly, hopefully improving productivity of workers. (Well, this is based on the assumption that longer time spent at work, means more work done)

On a more personal note, both K and I have a problem with punctuality. Both of us like to and in most cases get where we are supposed to be on time and we also expect others to do the same. (That is where the problem starts) Let us say we have invited a bunch of Indian friends over for dinner. We set a time of 7:00 PM, but most people roll in around 8:00 PM or later. Given my disposition, I start getting fidgety right about 7:01 PM. I start peeping through the blinds or the peephole to see if anyone has shown up or not. I am pacing in the house like a caged lion in a zoo and effectively end up wasting the time from 7:00 PM till the first guest arrives. The problem occurs in the converse situation as well. Let us say, that someone whom you are not very comfortable with has invited you over. The only reason you are going is because the other guests coming at the party are your buddies. So K and I will show up on time and the people we have gone to the party for won't show up for another hour, leaving us with some uncomfortable moments with the hosts. This causes the loss of another hour with no value for us.

Is it possible that Indians started not keeping time as a way of protest during the British rule? I mean, what could be a better way to insult a British dignitary than making him wait for you for hours? Is anyone aware of any evidence (or lack there off) of Indian punctuality in the pre-British days? Please let me know.

Roti, Kapda, Makaan.....

2009-10-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Bollywood blockbuster Roti Kapda aur Makaan (Food, Clothing and Shelter) narrates a story about relatively poor people and their problems. To truly achieve prosperity and to realize their potential, they need slightly more than these basic ingredients - they need opportunities, justice and most importantly respect. Society and organizations should be able to create conditions, which help them be part of the mainstream economic, social and political life of the country. There are three key enablers for this process.

Women's education

It is the most important ingredient and provides a rock solid foundation for the future. An educated woman will be able to harness her abilities, have smaller and healthier families, provide better guidance and motivation to her children and help them realize their true potential. An educated woman can also understand and evaluate different options and make the best choices for herself, her family and her community. Institutions (e.g. Public Private Partnerships) which promote and provide effective and inexpensive primary and secondary education to women will be the most efficient catalysts to get out of poverty.

Community organizations for employment and legal advice

Poverty, illiteracy and injustice is a three headed oppressive monster. A single poor person is often helpless, is ignored, has limited opportunities and in most cases no respect. It is absolutely critical for them to get together to start community organizations, which help them learn new skills, start a small cooperative business or run a community center to get a sense of security and support. There are a lot of success stories of cooperative movements and their ability to bring people out of poverty by providing opportunities and respect. The problem of injustice can be reduced significantly by educating people about their rights and responsibilities and these organizations can provide these legal services very effectively. They also provide a sense of belonging, a forum to voice concerns and opinions and ability to take part in the larger political process in their neighborhoods and countries. Williams has called it "Globalization from Below" and has argued that these organizations can provide long lasting prosperity to large parts of the world.

Affordable and easy access to credit

Lijjat Papad was started with a loan of Rs. 80 and NABARD helps micro-entrepreneurs. Even though poor people hold few financial resources they do possess inherent human qualities like intelligence, creativity and resourcefulness. Institutions which provide easy and affordable credit can provide the necessary initial investment required to start a small business , build financial self sufficiency and create a huge impact on everyone in the community.

Community local organizations (NGOs, PPPs) can provide quality women’s education, training, employment opportunities, micro credit and legal advice and put people on the path of progress and provide economic and social stability to their countries.

Hopefully, Bollywood will make a blockbuster out of this story as well.

****

To learn more, please do not forget that, The Power of the Poor airs October 8, 10 PM ET (or check your local listings) on PBS.

What exactly is the dispute?

2009-09-28T22:58:00.003-07:00

A recent story in Times of India web edition, talks about the dispute between management and executive pilots. The executive pilots have gone on "sick leave" due to a proposed cut of almost 70% in their compensation.

It becomes quite clear while reading the story that there is no dispute over the bad grammar and equally bad editing being used by the online newspaper. The writer seems to have some sort of anathema to verbs and fully formed sentences. Here are a few examples:

It’s over a slash in pilot salaries. Cut effected last Wednesday, not on salaries of all pilots but just executive pilots, or senior pilots in the management cadre. The cuts are steep — up to 70%

One more,

Talks held on Monday. In Delhi, talks break down. Pilots refuse to accept even a Re 1 cut. Management says demands unacceptable, hardens attitude, contemplates lockout

and one more to round off the article,

Enter civil aviation ministry as lockout prospect looms. Directive from ministry to management: no lockout. Ministry disapproves of pilots’ attitude but asks management not to go so far as to declare lockout

By the way, what are executive pilots? Are these executives of that old inefficient organization which flies all of 365 flights a day or are they pilots who only fly business executives and politicians around? Also, at this rate, it won't be long before AI flies only 365 flights a year, even though that would be a step in the right direction. What business does the government have in running an airline anyway?

Cric-sutra

2009-09-23T20:34:00.002-07:00

Coach K has some winning advice for the Indian cricket team. The advice is related to basic instincts and is simple - carnal pleasures and winning go hand in hand.

Since cricket is such an integral part of life in India, it is no surprise that now it has entered the bedroom. Kirsten-sutra has invaded the land of Kama-sutra! The triumph of cricket over Indian minds and bodies is complete. I am sure, if someone goes and looks at the Khajuraho sculptures again, one will surely find a few men with balls (no pun intended) in their hands. The "culture brigade" might come out swinging (no pun intended, again) against this advice by the coach, but now that wouldn't be cricket, right?

With the rise of T20 cricket, this was bound to happen and should not come as a surprise to anyone. T20 cricket requires quick decision making, heightened performance for very short periods of time and the ability to take risks. The parallels are too uncanny to be ignored for too long and Coach K is merely stating the obvious. The traditionalists will keep on saying that test cricket is the real deal as it requires patience, concentration and high level of performance for hours and days. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the test cricket supporters are of the fairer sex and the only way that test cricket can now survive is through heavy doses of Viagra.

This whole episode also brings up other questions and consequences. What will be broadcast in pregame "shows"? Will the length of the preparation for the match depend on the form of cricket being played the next day? (T20, ODI etc). Training camps for cricket will be held in exotic locations rather than cricketing facilities. This is going to change the game and how it is played in not so subtle ways as well. Women's cricket will gravitate more towards test cricket. Also, there is a sense that if this advice is followed, we might see limited use of the "doosra" as most men cannot manage the "pehla" itself. Spinners will try to bowl more googlies and get batsmen stumped as they try out different things.

And even though Coach K has not mentioned this, why cannot this be applied to other sports as well? For instance; archers and rifle shooters - have to hit the right "spot", swimmers - need to practice and master different "strokes", hockey players - need to show lot of dexterity with the "stick", badminton players - hit the "shuttlecock" hard, golfers - make a "hole" in one, sprinters - come out with a "burst of energy" and boxers - understand when to "strike". Unfortunately, the poor long distance runners and chess players will be left at the mercy of mundane and useless activities like yoga and meditation.

The recipe for sporting success is now simple and clear - if you want to come out on top, you need to start "on top".

Common Man Uncommon Controversy

2009-09-22T13:38:00.002-07:00

The cattle class and holy cows controversy does not want to die. Like the little school brat, who is dragged to the principal's office and reprimanded severely and warned of consequences for some innocent prank, Shashi Tharoor was summoned and ushered in front of Soniaji for a good old fashioned rap on the knuckles.

Soniaji had to establish her authority on the party and let the rookie know as to who is the boss.

Soniaji: (While making him an offer he could not refuse - apologize or else...) "Scusi.. per favore.. Signor Shashi don't do this again".

Apparently, Soniaji has a white board in her office, where she makes offenders write "I won't do this again. Soniaji is always right and I promise to always obey her command". The standard punishment is 100 lines, but Shashi must have gotten off with just 50 as this is his first "mistake".

Sensible Singh (Manmohan) seems to be the only voice of reason in this episode as he dismissed it as a joke.

Manmohan: (While giving a big friendly slap on Tharoor's back) "Oye, Shashi paaji, kya badhiya joke maara hai tussi! Meinu mazaa aa gaya!!"

The party spokesman seems to be toeing ~~Soniaji's~~ the party line and said in no uncertain yet vague terms

"any well-wisher of the party, government and Tharoor will advise him to desist from any comments or action even jokingly that would hurt the sentiments of the common man."

Which common man are we talking about? The common man on the street (or in cartoons) is not saying anything and is kind of looking around baffled, to see if the sentiments of any other common men have been hurt.

The politicians have hurt the future and the economic well being (in spite and because of Garibi Hatao) of the common man for the longest time and so there is no need to shed crocodile tears over something which has not happened.

****

Here's John McEnroe complaining to the chair umpire, "You CANNOT Be Serious".

Moving Poetry

2009-09-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

If one looks at history, one can find many instances of poets and their verse inspiring people to do things. Lot of poets over the world have influenced thoughts of the common masses and moved them to action. Tagore, Whitman, Angelou and others have inspired and moved a lot of people over the years. Recently on one of our walks through my University of Chicago campus, I came upon some "moving" poetry pinned to a wooden pole.

Counter Point

2009-09-20T02:45:00.001-07:00

Recently K had gone to the Indian consulate to renew her passport. While she was there, an old lady had also come by to get a new passport, as she had lost her passport. The consulate lady at the counter asked her if she had a copy of any page of her old passport. The old lady did not have any documents at all - no copies of her old passport, no visa papers, nothing to prove that she was an Indian citizen or what her lost passport looked like. Instead of telling the poor old lady what her options were, the consulate employee mercilessly blasted the lady for being careless, showing up at the consulate without any documents and in general, treated her worse than a doormat on a rainy day.

Seemingly normal people completely change their behavior when they go behind the counter. They feel that they have some sort of power over lesser mortals who are on the other side of the counter. A lot of people on the "wrong side" of the counter, also seem to take all the abuse with muted acquiescence, as they feel they are powerless. A typical situation between an Arrogant Bureaucratic Mandarin (ABM) and a Poor Wretched Customer (PWC) goes something like this:

PWC: Umm.. sir.. sir.. I have been coming here everyday... uh..um can you please get my work done today, please sir?
ABM: Why are you wearing a red shirt today? I don't like that. Come tomorrow. Get lost!
PWC: But sir...
ABM: Did you not hear me? Do you think I have all day to argue? Everyone with a red shirt go home. Next in line please...

When that PWC now goes behind the counter the next day (PWC turned ABM) the tables are turned.

Another PWC: Sir please.. sir.. can you please sign this paper?
PWC turned ABM: You fool.. your pen just soiled my hand. Get lost... come tomorrow. NEXT!

It seems that people on either side of the counter display extreme behavior and the only solution is to have service providers sit on the counter itself rather than behind the counter. Just a counter point to balance the situation.

United We Fail

2009-09-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

At the end of WWII, countries in the world got together to help maintain world peace and decided to set up the United Nations. The Security Council (5 permanent members with veto powers and 10 non-permanent members elected for 2 year terms) was setup to act as a watch dog over conflicts through out the world. It is quite evident that the UNSC has failed miserably in satisfying its charter. Folks who want to create trouble in the world (e.g. North Korea) don't give a hoot about what UNSC says. The UNSC is like a toothless tiger, nay a toothless goat which bleats useless and ineffective resolutions at offenders. They should stop calling what they manage to pass as "resolutions", but instead should call them "Um..You.... there.. uh..if you have time, consider this, otherwise... um.. uh.. don't worry about it". The only thing in which the council is "united" and "secure" is its ineffectiveness. Even more appalling is the news that the world's largest democracy is "lobbying hard" to get elected as a non-permanent member on the council in October 2010:

India is lobbying hard for a non-permanent seat to the UN Security Council, when the Asia seat comes up for renewal at the end of next year, hoping to end a drought that would have lasted 18 years by the time elections are held in October 2010.

What are the foreign office babus thinking? They are "lobbying hard" to be a non-permanent member of the sissy club? I cannot fathom what Mr. Krishna and Mr. Tharoor are thinking. Would it not be more beneficial to lobby hard with countries which would serve the country's interests? Isn't the country better off, worrying about real droughts? People (including yours truly) have the utmost regard for Mr. Tharoor (in spite and because of cattle class), but all of us truly hope that you are not trying to make amends for not being able to become the Secretary General in 2006. It is hoped that you are not considering this as a consolation prize, (because honestly it is not) as it is more of a slap in the face to be lobbying for such useless stuff. Please tell us it is not because of that. This news item gets funnier:

India's main rival for the Asia seat is Kazakhstan, which has never won a seat to the Security Council. India has already been elected six times, the last time as long ago in 1991-92, when the world was a completely different place.

It is quite evident that Borat, the noted prankster from Kazakhstan, is behind this mockery and is going to get a good laugh out of this.

and funnier....

An Indian win against Kazakhstan is also aimed at wiping out the nightmare of 1996, when India fought a hugely unequal contest against Japan for the Asian seat and was trounced 142-40, in favour of Japan.

and funnier....

Then when (now minister of state for external affairs) Shashi Tharoor lost the race to UN Secretary-General in 2006, Delhi's dream of being at the helm of global affairs died quickly.

This seems like a typical reaction from Delhi where people think that an official position is what puts you at the "helm" and they seem to have given up all efforts of trying to earn and win some respect. Rather than trying to be a part of a toothless tiger organization, why don't they put on some dentures and negotiate some free-trade agreements?

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Here's John McEnroe complaining to the chair umpire, "You CANNOT Be Serious".